A Loony Kender
by Raablyn
Summary: FINISHED! happy dance Chapter 24 up! 'Tis done! begins weeping yes, DONE! A little serious at the end, but all in all I hope this is a good ending.
1. In Which We Meet Tawny

_A Loony Kender_

Disclaimer: I do not own DRAGONLANCE nor do I own any of Weis's and Hickman's characters, I'm not geniuses like them, despite my fantasies.

_This takes place in the Soulforge, Raist and Caramon are about 18, they've met Flint, Tanis, Tas, and Sturm, and of course Kitiara. But what happens when a loony kender comes to town . . . and everyone else starts acting really, really, really weird and crazy . . . ___

It all started on a fine spring morning in Solace . . .

Raistlin (and most of Solace) woke early, somewhere around 5:00 AM, all due to an inconsiderate kender . . .

BANG!

BOOM!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

"_TASSLEHOFF!_"

"Hey, Raist, what's going on?" Caramon, who, having fallen off his bed (thus causing the BOOM) was sitting up, look all confused and bewildered, because that's just what Caramon _does_.

"I do not know, Caramon." Raistlin answered, frowning. "I'm going to find out, though. You do not need to come with me–in fact, you can go right back to sleep. And get off the floor!"

Caramon hoisted himself off the floor—which was a considerable feat due to the fact that there was so much_ him_ to hoist up—while Raistlin dressed briskly in his white novice robes, quickly combed his hair, and tugged on his boots. By this time Caramon was up, too, despite Raistlin order, and was tugging a clean shirt and yawning loudly.

Raistlin, shaking his head, hurried out the door down to Flint Fireforge's home, the source of the BANGing and screaming.

"I told you, Flint, it was an accident, honest!" Tasslehoff Burrfoot stood cornered by Tanis Half-Elven and Flint Fireforge, both of whom were looking furious. Tugging a little on his topknot, the kender continued. "I never meant to actually _play_ with your best anvil and hammer, I was going to use then to make pancakes! It's not _my_ fault that the wind blew in, spinning me around, and as I put out my arms to catch myself, the anvil and hammer just flew out of my hands, I didn't let go, and they banged into the wall–did you hear the BANG that made?–so, you see, it wasn't my fault that the anvil and hammer broke, it was the wall's for being so close to me!"

Tas looked up, brown eyes doe-like in innocence, to see if this speech had any effect on Flint or Tanis. Apparently not.

"So, you see–oh, hi Raistlin! Imagine seeing you here!" Tas, having seen Raistlin enter the drawf's workshop, latched onto a new line of conversation. "Can you believe this??? Here I was, trying to make pancakes, and the winds spun me around–rather rudely, now to think of it–and Flint's best anvil and hammer jumped out of my hands and I'm _positive _the walls moved closer just to bang into them, and–" Tas paused dramatically. "the walls _ruined _Flint's anvil and hammer, and then Flint came in and started accusing _me_––me of all people!—of playing with his stuff when it was all the wind's and the wall's fault! Then Tanis came in and Flint told him I'd broken his best anvil and hammer and Tanis started asking me questions–I mean, what is this, the Spanish Inquisition? Anyway, I answered them and then you came in and I just finished telling you this–" here Tas stopped, having completely run out of breath.

"HE BROKE MY BEST ANVIL AND HAMMER!!!" Flint yelled.

"Hey, hey, calm down!" Tanis said soothingly, trying to calm the dwarf down before he burst a blood vessel.

"And who makes _pancakes_ with a anvil and a hammer?!?!"

"I wanted them thin and circle-shaped!"

"Did someone say pancakes?"

"Forget it, Caramon, there are no pancakes–"

"Darn."

"Only a kender attempting to make pancakes with Flint's anvil and hammer–"

"I told you before, it was an accident, Raistlin, I was only trying to surprise Tawny–"

"Whose Tawny? Tas broke Flint's pancakes while making an anvil and hammer? WHAT?"

"No, Kit–"

"I don't understand, Raist–"

"WILL EVERYONE SHUT UP A DANG MOMENT!" Kit, having asked the question about Tawny, had entered, looking annoyed. Sturm was right behind her.

"Everyone settle down, lets get to the bottom of this." Tanis said. Everyone sat down. Flint looked furious, Tas was the picture of innocence, Caramon, Sturm, and Kit looked confused, and Raistlin looked interested.

"Well, Tas was spinning around Flint's workshop with his best anvil and hammer, let go, the hammer and anvil hit the walls and shattered. Tas claimed he was trying to make pancakes for–"

"Tawny."

"Whose Tawny?" asked Caramon.

"Tawny Shamrock. She's one of my best friends form Kendermore and she sent a letter saying that she was arriving sometime between today and next year, it depended on whether or not she could get her sisters, Palmer and Merribell Shamrock, to come with her. So, to surprise Tawny–and maybe Palmer and Merribell, if they come–I was going to make pancakes."

"At 5:00 in the morning???"

"The early bird gets the worm, er, pancakes."

"But he RUINED my best anvil and hammer!"

"Not to mention woke half the town of Solace."

"Well Tas," Raistlin said, staring at Tasslehoff. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Oompa loompa, oompa de doo."

"Huh?"

"TAS! TASSLEHOFF BURRFOOT!" A chiming, sweet female voice floated through the air, two seconds before the door flew open. Inside the doorway stood a thin Kendermaid with an incredibly LONG topknot of tawny-colored hair–hence her name–and large, brown eyes. But this was not the thing that made the companion's eyes bug out. Oh, no. What the kendermaid was _wearing, _though . . .

The kender had on bright yellow pants, an orange shirt, a shocking pink vest with amber buttons, not to mention the red gauzy scarf she wore around her head, the red-and-purple ones she had tied around her waist, and all the colorful sequins she had sewn onto her pants, vest, and shirt, and boots. Her hoopak was made of surprisingly dark wood, almost black, with a vast number of scarves tied onto it. Some of her hair was threaded with beads, some was braided, some was tied with scarves, some strands were twisted around sequins and bits of cloth, all gathered into one topknot and tossed carelessly down her back. As she waltzed into the room, the companions could smell her-and she smelled like she'd poured all the perfume in Ansolon on herself, it was that strong. Her pouches were many, and varied--one was made of a gauzy blue scarf, another purely of sequins sewn together, another of plain red wool. Her eyes were so wide that they seemed to bug out of her face. Her lips were done with purple-and-black lipstick, giving her a weird look. She grinned, revealing white teeth.

"Tawny!" called Tas.

"Oh, my." said Sturm.

"Oompa loompa." The kendermaid called Tawny said, banging her hoopak on the ground. Tanis saw that it had a steel bottom.

"I have a feeling this is going to be one long day . . . " groaned Tanis.

_Do you like? If you do, please read on, and R&R! Please! It gets funnier, I promise!_

_Yeah, I should probably be working on TS&UA, but this idea just hit me so and I've had writer's block on my other story . . . _

_A note: I was first going to make Tawny's name Ally but then I changed it to Tawny, to clear up some of the confusion. Thank you!_

__


	2. The Lunniness Begins! Jaws Music

_Note: Yayy! Next chapter! _

_Thanks to Mischa Kitsune & guitarguy32403 for the great reviews, and also to the fact that I still have writer's block on my other story, I've decieded to do Ch.2! Caution: What you are about to read my shock and terrify you: I am using my twisted and warped imagination. No, don't run away screaming! Hey, come back! Oh, just read, people. _

_Reviews welcome, as always. Oh, and: if I owned DRAGONLANCE, Willy Wonka, The Twilight Zone, would I be writing an amusing ff for your entertainment? Translation: I Own Nothing except my imagination, 'K? _

_Now read or be eaten by crazed, invisble kenlims (cross between a kender and a gremlin, personally I think they're the same, this note is going on an awful bit, isn't it?). So now I'll shut up and hopefully you'll read with the above threat in mind._

Chapter Two!

The Looniness Begins . . . (Jaws music)

Where were we? Oh–

"I have a feeling this is going to be one long day. . . " groaned Tanis.

"Aye, lad." was what Flint thought, and he would have spoken out loud save for the fact that the Tawny's appearance had shocked him so severely that he was numb with dread.

Ignoring Tas, Tawny skipped merrily up to poor Flint. "This is for you." She said, holding one hand behind her back. Raistlin, looking with interest, saw that the odd kendermaid held nothing in her hand.

"For . . . _me_?" Flint squeeked, having a _bad, bad_ previous experience with Kender gifts.

"Uh-huh!" Tawny grinned. "Guess what it is!"

"Another anvil and hammer to replace the one Tas broke?" Flint grumbled, having been unshocked by . . . no idea what. He's just unshocked back to his grumbly self.

"No!" Tawny giggled shrilly, showing off her white teeth and making everyone wince. "It's a . . . " She stopped, then winked at Flint. "Take a look for yourself!" With a flourish, she presented a closed fist. The Companions stared.

"What exactly am I supposed to be looking at?" Flint asked warily (smart dwarf).

"This!" Tawny grinned excitedly.

"What?"

"This!"

"What?"

" . . . " Tawny was silent, still grinning that stupid grin.

"WHAT?" demanded Flint.

"I just told you!" Tawny said in a cheerful tone.

"You didn't say anything!"

"You're right." Tawny jumped up and down, causing the various scarves to jerk up and down too. "I said _nothing_. And that's what I have in my hand!"

The Companions sat in stunned silence.

Caramon, as usual, broke it. "I don't get it, Raist."

"I think I do, brother." Raistlin studied the kender with a keen eye. "The Kender has nothing in her hand, thus when she did not say a word–thus saying nothing–she was telling Flint what she had in her hand."

"Huh?" Caramon still didn't get it.

"And I have another present for you!" Tawny grinned her maniac grin again.

"Is it Nothing again?" Groaned Flint.

"Nope!" Tawny leaped around in a circle, waving her arms. Coming to a stop inches from Flint, she reached into one of her pouches–the one that was pure sequins–and produced a golden ticket. "A man named Willy Wonka told me to give this to the first idiot I saw, and that's you!" She laughed felicitously, ignoring the fact that the dwarf had just turned red at the insult.

She turned suddenly to Kitiara, whipping Flint with a scarf. "Why did the monkey fall outa the tree?She demanded.

"What the heck's a monkey?" Kitiara demanded. Tawny ignored her.

"Because it saw an approaching swarm of blue, invisible gremlins with furry bodies and big teethcoming at it because they wanted too because the monkey didn't really like gremlins, and was just plain freaked out by_ The Twilight Zone _episode _Nightmare at 20,000 Feet,_ actually so was I, but these gremlins were different because they were blue AND invisible! Well, the monkey was also freaked out by the fact that the swarm of blue, invisible gremlins were coming to sing 'I'm a Yankee Doodle Boy' really, really badly so the guy that wrote it–I keep forgetting his name–turns in his grave and the monkey, well, saw the swarm of really big blue invisible gremlins singing quite badly and fell out of the tree. I was wondering: how can the guy who wrote 'I'm a Yankee Doodle Boy' turn in his grave if he's dead? Is he an Unded guy? Hey, I once met this undead guy, really interesting, save for the fact that he wanted to rip me to shreds, eat my bladder, and tap-dance, which I think would have been kind of interesting, I've never had a guy rip me to shreds and eat my bladder before–have you?–and I don't know what Tap-dancing is, is it elvish? She stopped for breath, having succeeded in stunning not only Flint but the whole Companions (besides Tas).

"What the heck's The Twilight Zone?"

"How can a gremlin be blue AND invisible?"

"Huh? 'I'm a Yankee Doodle Boy?' What the–"

"What IS a monkey?"

"No idea . . . "

"I don't understand, Raist."

"Neither do I, Caramon."

"How can we all talk like this if we're shocked?"

"Because the author's crazy, Tas."

"But I'm not shocked, which is really a dissapointment because I've never really been shocked before-"

"Would anyone mind if I strangled the kender?"

"Which one?"

"Both."

"Go right ahead."

"Raist, I still don't understand!"

"SHUT UP!" Kitiara, having had enough, yelled. Everyone quieted.

"Oompa loompa, oompa de do. I've got another puzzle for you!" Tawny sang cheerfully, making everyone jump. Banging her hoopak on the floor, she jumped around it in a circle of perfume and gauzy cloth. Suddenly, she stopped.

Everyone waited with dread as she slowly turned to Flint. Grinning, she ran up . . . and, locking her arms around his neck, kissed him full on the lips.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Screamed Flint, attempting to pry Tawny off. Tanis hurried to help, trying unsuccessfully to surpress a grin. Caramon, Tas, and Kitiara hit the floor, gasping for air in between uncontrollable laughter. Raistlin smiled at the disdainful shock on Sturm's face, and, needless to say, Sturm was shocked-for real this time-to his honor-bound being.

"I always knew! . . . " chocked Kitiara, wiping away tears and banging the floor with her fist.

Tawny suddenly jumped away from Flint, wiping her mouth-all her lipstick was on Flint's lips now-and spat on the floor. Regarding a completely embarressed Flint, she scowled.

"Why did you kiss me?" she demanded.

"Huh? Kiss YOU?"

"Yes, kiss me. Here I am, minding my own business, and you come up and kiss me. That is rude, crude, and dude, that's not nice, now is it?"

Flint is unable to speak due to the fact that he cannot find words to express his ire.

Kitiara, finally able to breathe, rolled onto her back, sitting up. "Yeah, Flint, why'd you kiss the kender?" she demanded mock-sternly, or would if she was not still choking on her laughter. She rolled onto her stomach and howled at the expression on Flint's face.

Tas and Caramon clutched their stomaches, laughing.

Tawny's expression suddenly became cheerful again. Turning to Tanis-who backed up a bit, sheilding his face-she banged her hoopak on the floor. Then, she ran out the door, her manical laughter drifting abck to them.

"Lets run for it!" Kit said, having gotten to her feet. Raistlin nodded in agreement. Tas ran up to Flint, carefully out of range. "Tawny likes you, doesn't she?"

Sturm grabbed Tas, clapping a hand over his mouth.

At that moment, Tawny returned. Running into the door, she halted at Flint, then flung a little bit of pink-purple powder on his face.

"ACHOO!" sneezed the dwarf. "What did you do, you little maggot!?" He roared in fury, then sneezed again.

"You'll see . . . " Tawny grinned mysteriously.

Then she ran out of the room again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX(double spacing doesn't work sorry)XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tawny grinned over her pouch of powder. Pulling out the pink, she regarded the lable: Moon Loon Powder. Grinning, she skipped over to the Inn of the Last Home.

Entering the kitchen (she'd climed up the rope), she saw that the innkeeper had three new barrels of beer in. Drawing out her pouch of Moon Loon Powder, she sprinkled a good bit into the third barrel of beer.

Then she skipped away, laughing maniacally.

_Well . . . like, hate, are still laughing or are saying how inept at humor I am? TELL ME!_

_Next chapter: Flint Goes Crazy!_

_Danke!_


	3. Flint Goes Crazy! Imperial music

Disclaimer: nothing is owned by me. 

_Back again . . . _

_STILL having that god-cursed Writer's Block. Aaaaaargh. _

_Remember: I Own Nothing 'Cept My Twisted Immagination, which you don't see much of in this chapter (people sigh in relief and come back). _

_Well, hope you like. Kind of short-actually a LOT short-but good (I hope)._

Chapter Three!

Flint Goes Crazy! (Darth Vader music)

Flint, brushing the last of that awful pinky-purply powder that that idiotic, stupid, lame, addle-brained kender had thrown into his face, grumbling to himself, tugged the chairs back into their correct places and re-arranged the furniture to bar the door, the windows, etc. Muttering balefully to himself, the dwarf sneezed.

And little particles of pink-purple drifted in through his nose . . .

Suddenly, the world looked a lot more brighter. Flint, having a change of heart, walked over to the windows and door and un-barricaded them. His head was starting to feel light, and he was beginning to feel awfully giddy. By the time he was finished, he was humming 'The Itzy-Bitzy Spider' and doing an odd jump in his step.

"I'm a little tea-pot, short and stout!" He sand airily, feeling more and more giddy. Dancing into his room, he began to sing "Dancing Pears"–loudly.

Going to his closet, he looked down at himself. No, no, these dour clothes would never do! Re-dressing, he eyed himself in the mirror. Perfect.

Now singing "How Can I Live?" and dancing, rather like a certain pop-star we all know, Flint dug into his trunk and came up with a bit of make-up Tas had given him as a joke. Leaning forward, he began to apply it.

Oh, he had to meet Tanis and that gang of youngsters at the Inn, didn't he? Laughing, Flint skipped merrily out the door . .

* * *

Raistlin, outside in his garden, heard someone singing a ridiculous song at the top of his lungs–badly, yet loudly. Raistlin looked up . . . and immediately wished he hadn't.

It took Raistlin a second or two to recognize Flint Fireforge. When he did, he froze in horrified shock.

Flint was dressed in a sparkly pink tube top with the words "Bad Angel" on the front in white, pants made of stretchy pink material with sequins on them, clunky high-heeled pink shoes, and a ton of make-up: blush, lipstick, eyeshadow, mascara, eyebrow pencil, curled lashes, you name it, he had it. All this was finished off with the lusty singing, the hip-hoppity steps, and the excellent view of the dwarf's bare, gnarled shoulders, arms, and hands.

Raistlin was stunned to the very core.

"Hiya, Raisty!" Sang out Flint, running up and hugging a traumatized Raistlin. Skipping back, he grinned broadly, resembling Tawny.

Caramon, drawn outside by the drawf's horrible singing, stared at Flint long and hard, eyes popping, mouth agape. Swallowing, blushing furiously, he turned to Raistlin.

"What is That? Raist . . . I don't understand . . . "

Raistlin was about to reply, when Flint began to sing 'Like A Virgin' and dance, showing off a broad belly. Raistlin stared. By this time Caramon began to laugh–hard. Kitiara, also drawn outside by the commotion, stared in shock.

"I've seen a lot of terrifying sights, but this takes the cake." She murmered, shaking her head, a slow grin spreading on his lips.

Suddenly, Flint stopped. Freezing, he looked at Raistlin, then burst out in a lusty chorus, ran up, and kissed Raistlin on the cheek. Behind him, Raistlin could hear Caramon and Kitiara choking with mirth.

Raistlin fell back, choking with horror at what he had just witnessed, swiping the lipstick from his cheek. Leaning over, he threw up onto the ground–hey, so would you.

Looking up, Raistlin saw Flint run up, grab a laughing Kit's shoulders, and hug her passionately. Skipping merrily over to Caramon, he said: "Hey, Carry, your sister's beautiful."

Shocked silence followed this. Then, Flint, laughing, skipped away, Raistlin staring after him, saw a passing woman grab her hysterical child's eyes, shocked.

"Hey, Kit!" Caramon whistled teasingly. "Gonna drop Tanis, are you?"

"Shut up!" She shrieked in fury, swiping up her sword and nearly decapitating her brother.

"I think we had better warn Tanis and Sturm." Raistlin said seriously.

"No need." Kit answered, jerking a thumb. "Sturm's already seen . . . did you hear him gasp?"

Caramon, wary of his sister's sword, said "What could make Flint so . . . crazy?"

"I don't know, but I'll bet this has to do with that kender." Kitiara said grimly. Raistlin said nothing, being too busy listening to Flint's terrible singing.

* * *

Tanis looked grim when Kit, Raistlin, and Sturm related their tales to him. Caramon was too busy laughing and avoiding Kit's furious hands.

"What the hell to we do about Crazy?" demanded Kit, waving a hand in the direction of the door.

Just then, Tas came in.

"Oh, hi guys! My, have you seen Flint! He looks like Britney Spears!" the kender giggled shrilly. "Did you see his shirt? No, did you see his _shoes_? I never knew Flint knew those songs. And, by the way, who's Britney Spears?"

"You don't want to know." Tanis said dourly, shaking his head as the kender giggled harder.

"First off, what do we _do_? Flint is scaring little children!" Caramon, unusually serious, had to speak in a low tone to be heard through Tasslehoff's laughter.

"We–" Tanis begun. What he was going to say next was never known.

"_How can I live with you . . . ?" _

Flint bounded into the room, singing "How Can I Live With You" at the top of his gravelly voice. The dwarf was such a ridiculous sight that the companions–with the exception of Tas, who was currently rolling around on the floor, laughing wildly–just stared, struck dumb with a growing sense of horror. Sturm fell off his seat with a _thud_, unconscious.

Flint skipped around in a circle, than ran up the stairs, singling heartily, then ran

down the stairs and out the Inn.

"I have a plan." Raistlin broke the horrified, stunned silence.

"What?" Tanis looked desperate.

"Shh!" Raistlin looked around for Flint, but he was nowhere to be seen. Leaning forward, he beckoned the others to do also. "This is a bit drastic, but it is all I can think of. Caramon, relieve Sturm for me. I–we–have a need for him. Now, this is what we do. . . "

_Don't ya just LOVE cliffhangers?_

_Sorry to do that to ya. The songs-BOMT, OIDIA, Ballroom Blitz, are not MINE, I think that they were all writin before my birth. Anyway,you know who wrote them and that they are NOT mine. _

_Sorry for the shortness. Next chapter, The Plan. Almost all writin, should be posted around tomarrow. Sorry our beloved Tawny isn't in this chapter. _

_Again: rate me, flame me, etc. All reviews welcome. _

_Bye. Danke._


	4. The Capture of Flint

_If I owned anything, why wouldI be writing for your amusement?_

_Hey . . . I'm back with another chapter!_

_The song is 'Hey Hey Baby', which is not mine, and the artist isKayaki. Personally, I don't really like it, but it seemed appropriate for Tas to sing._

_Hope you really like. hehe manipulating characters . . . always wanted to do so to Sturm . . . now there's an idea . . ._

_Now, read._

Chapter Four

The Capture of Flint

Tas stood poised by the stables of the Inn. Glancing around, he nodded, grinning and fairly jumping with excitement. Looking upward, he spotted Raistlin, in position, and gave him a thumbs-up and a wink. Raistlin scowled and shook his head. Then, pulling out the piece of paper that Raistlin had written down the strange lyrics that Flint had been singing, the kender studied them for about two seconds, then took a deep breath and looked hopefully up at Raistlin.

Raistlin looked inward the Inn. Sturm, Kitiara, and Tanis, holding the ropes, made one final check and signaled back. Nodding, he turned to Caramon, who was positioned at a center table with a mug of ale–bait. Seeing his twin's slight frown, Caramon grinned. "Don't worry, Raist, I know my lines!"

"Hush!" Raistlin admonished sternly, hoping devoutly that Caramon did not forget. "Everyone ready?"

"You bet." Kitiara secured the last knot, picking up the pegs.

"Yes." Sturm nodded at the net positioned above the door, gave his rope a firm tug.

"Aye." Tanis cast a look down at the kender, bobbing with excitement. "Go."

Raistlin turned and signaled Tas the OK.

"Oh, boy!" Tas fairly squealed. "That's the Go sign. Here I go!" Jumping onto the last step of the Inn, he sucked in a gigantic breath–nearly strangling himself in the process–and began to sing:

"Boy, you got me goin'

This song you got tonin'

C'mon, dance with me, in the melee!

Aw, dance with me, aw, pretty baby!

(awirlllll)

Aw, hey hey hey baby

C'mon now, pretty pretty baby

Sing to me, pretty pretty baby!

Aw, hey hey hey baby!"

Flint, a while off, heard the song like fire in his blood. Finally, someone with some cool music sense! Spinning around in a dance of perfume, the old, flashily-dresseddwarf skipped off toward the Inn . . .

"Here he comes!" Tas called breathlessly to Raistlin, who death-glared back to the elated kenderand signaled Tanis with a crook of a finger.

Flint found Tas singing the chorus loudly, skip-jumping on and off the bottom stair of the Inn in excitement, hair mussed. Tas waited - like Raistlin told him to - until Flint was in hoopak range, then stopped. "Hi, Flint! Fancy seeing you here!"

Without waiting for a response, Tas leaped headlong into his lines. "You see, Flint, Raistlin wants to tell you something. He's up at the top of all those stairs, ya wanna go see him? Boy, that song's fast!"

"Want's ta tell me sumthin', does 'e?" Flint slurred, the powder taking full affect. Turning, wavering, the dwarf saw Raistlin. "Hey, Raishlin!"

"St!" Raistlin hissed under his breath, beckoning the dwarf up the stairs. Shaking his head, he watched Flint and Tas skip up the many winding stairs, Tas yapping all the way. He gave Tanis one last signal, then turned his full attention to the bobbing dwarf and kender, hoping devoutly that Tas didn't give away the plan. Slipping one hand into his pouch, he located the rose petals easily, his fingers closing around a few.

"So, wattaya wanna talk ta me 'bout?" Flint swaggered, coming up to Raistlin, Tas bouncing at his side.

"Caramon, not me, you idiot of a kender!" snarled Raistlin, staring fixedly at Tas, who winked. This was all part of the Plan, Tas reminded himself. Stifling a giggle, he spoke: "Oh, sorr-ry, Flint, you know h-how I get them-them mix . . . x . . . up!" he failed to keep the laughter from his voice, and errupted in silent giggles.

Flint, ignoring the kender, turned to look inside the Inn. The dwarf's eyes beheld the table, Caramon, and the ale mug.

Espeically the ale mug.

"Hey Flint!" Caramon cried, winking at Raistlin. "Look! Otik's giving away freeale,and it's the newestbatch!"

"Youdon't say!" Flint cried out in a breathy, girlish voice. "Gimme!"He skipped into the Inn . . .

"Now!" Called out Kit, and she, Tanis, and Sturm dropped the net, and the heavyfishing net fell on Flint, entangling him, and Raistlin moved forward quickly, murmering the magical words_-"ast tasarak sinuralin krynawi_"-and Flint stopped wiggling and began snoring, and Kit pounced forward with the pegs and the ties and bagged the dwarf easily.

"Whew!" Tas, who had been watching all this going on, was impressed at the speed that his friends had moved at. "Gee, you guys are fast!"

"Uh-huh." Kit shot Tas an annoyed look. "OK, help me."

_XVXVXXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXV_

Tas surveyed the scene before him. Flint, snoring loudly, had been tied at the hands and feet, wrapped in a thick blanket, gagged, blindfolded, and tied securely to a bench. The remaining companions sat nearby, regarding Flint with pity in their eyes.

Tas tried to stifle his giggles, but the meer thought of what Flint looked like returned full-force, so that he was helpless once again with mirth.

"Some one shut up the kender, preferably permanetly." muttered Kit. Tanis shook his head.

"Now, my dear friends," Raistlin's voice hissed in sarcasm. "we have a difficult situation facing us. Number one, what to do about the becrazed dwarf-" his eyes, against his will, flicked with a wry, scornful, cold humor to Flint's wrapped body "and Number two, what do we do about the kender, whom, I will bet, is involved in this somehow."

"Raist's right." Caramon said trustingly. Raistlin turned his head a little ways from his brother.

"I agree." Kit said crisply. Glaring at Tas, she said in dire tones "Kender are usually involved."

"Oh, no, you don't mean-" Tas looked shocked and indignant. "Well, I admit, Tawny has a good bit of immagination, yeah, but she's not crazy, and she didn't do this to Flint! Maybe of she was a wizard, now, maybe. Did I ever tell you about the time I got trapped by an evil wizard and me and a whooly mammoth-" the rest was cut off but Kit's hand firmly pressedagainst his mouth.

"Both kender are crazy and imoral." Sturm said self-righteously, gazing at Tas with cool blue eyes. "But I agree with Tasslehoff. There is definately evil wizardy about." the blue eyes stared accusingly at Raistlin, who returned the stare with one of his own, brown eyes glinting. Besides Raistlin, Caramon slowly rose to his feet, face flushing.

"Bah!" Kit glared at Sturm. "Siddown, Caramon. Sturm, shut up."

Tanis glared sternly at Sturm, who fiddled with his moustache.

Flint kicked a little. Tas stared from one friend to another. "This whole day is weird." he whispered loudly to Caramon.

"You bet." Caramon answered back, reluctantly sitting down again.

_XVXVXXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXV_

Tawny skipped through the homes of Solace, staying on the swaying bridges. Turning, she found a home that looked interesting. She hopped in.

Inside, a family crest wasengraved on the door.The words_ My Honor_ _Is My Life_were embrodiered on a cushion. Dancing happily through the home, Tawny ignored all but one door. Skipping through, she looked at the bed. smiling, she took out a pinch of pink-purple powder, sprinkled it on the pillow. Dancing out again, she walked away.

_XVXVXXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXV_

"What a day this is turning out to be." Kit said, she and Tanis having retreated to a corner of the Inn. Raistlin and Caramon were out searching for Tawny, Tas was with Sturm on the way to Sturm's house to pick up some things, and she and Tanis were alone to watch Flint snore.

"Aye." Breathed Tanis, shaking his head.

"Hello, you both! Here's your ale, right from the newest cask, third barrel." Otik, placing the flagons in front of Kit and Tanis, nodded and moved away.

Kit sighed. Running one hand through her hair, with the other she raised the flagon to her lips, taking a deep sip. Tanis, opposite her, did the same.

Both were so absorbed in the moning's adventures that they did not notice the pinky-purple powder swirling around in their drinks, touching their lips, and sliding down their throats . . .

_Cliffhanger!_

_Thank you for all the reviews, and thank you in advance for the review that I hope you now are going to write. C'mon, people!_

_Danke. Next chapter, (hopefully) soon._


	5. Sturm Hits Bedlam!

_Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonlance, TSR, or Wizards of the Coast, despite my day dreams. _

_Danke to all those who've reviewed in the past._

_And, a little-known fact about Kender come out in this chapter. Also, you'll recognize some stuff from the newest Series of Unfortunate Events! Aye! Which I am positive I did not spell right! Aye!_

_P.S. There is no such thing as too much Monty Python. _

_Note: This chapter couldn't have been produced if it weren't for the fabulous directors, the Llamas! Give it up, folks! _

_Read, please._

Chapter . . . What One Are We On Now??

Um . . .

Oh, yeah . . .

Chapter Five!

Sturm Hits Bedlam! (crazy music plays in background)

Raistlin sighed as he walked along the rope-street, shaking his head slightly. What a day . . . the arrival of the unusual kender, the horror of the craziness of Flint, and now the chattering of Tasslehoff had already succeeded in giving him a headache.

Little did he know that it was going to get worse . . .

**Duh duh duh**

Caramon, lumbering along Raistlin, was being as idiotic as usual. "That was real funny, Raist, you know, when we caught Flint! Wasn't it, Raist! And when that long-haired kender girl kissed him! Ah, man!" Caramon grinned at the memory, making the bridge sway.

Sturm frowned. "Such a thing is vulgar, Caramon, and should not be discussed here."

Caramon opened his mouth to reply, but Tas cut him short.

"Why, Sturm?" the kender asked the stern wanna-be Solamnic. Sturm hurridly answered before he could say anymore. "It just is, Tasslehoff."

"Why?" Tas asked innocently.

"Because." Sturm answered shortly.

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"_Because_." Sturm was growing impatient of the conversation.

"Why?" Tas, completely unaware of his friend's growing ire, demanded sweetly.

"Because!"

"Why?"

"BECAUSE!" Sturm finally yelled.

"_Oh-h._" Tas gazed accusingly at Sturm. "Why didn't you tell me so? This reminds me of the time that Uncle Trapspringer asked a minotaur 'why' a little too many times, and the minotaur, who was dead drunk, got angry-I always wondered, what is dead drunk? Are you so drunk that you're dead? But if that's true, then why do you wake up? Uncle Trapspringer-"

"Shut up, Tasslehoff." Raistlin snapped rather curtly.

They had arrived at a fork in the bridges, and the four split up: Caramon and Raistlin heading towards their home, Sturm and Tas towards Sturm'shome, and, weary from their long walk in search of Tawny Shamrock, went in, finding the shade welcome after the hot sun. Sturm went into his room-accompanied by Tas-to check to see if the kendermaid was in there.

As we all know, a certain kender maid who had already been there left some purple-pinky powder on a certain would-be Knight's pillow . . .

Tas and Sturm entered the room--or, rather, the room ajoining to Sturm's bedroom, where he stored valuables. If a kender were to hide anywhere, Sturm reasoned, it would be among valuables. Tas, bored with looking at Sturm's stuff, skipped over to his room.

And noticed the feather bed.

Feather beds are soft and comfy, warm and snuggly and _perfect,_absolutely _perfect _for flinging yourself head first on while yelling your lungs out. It is a general rule that feather beds are the best beds for thowing yourself on while yelling your lungs out, and that action should always be done when you come across a feather bed.

This is exactly what went on in Tas's head as he took a quick look at the bed.

It is a known fact that kender simply cannot resist feather beds. Espeically after wandering around all day, having the curious and interesting object that you've rescued been taken away from you, being constantly shushed, and rather hot, what with the burning summer sun ana all.AndTas's legs, all of their own accord, where begining to feel rather tired from walking/running/hopping around all day.

This probably explains the stupid thing that Tas did next.

What did he do?

Guess.

"_Ya-hoo!_"

Ya guessed it.

Yelling his lungs out in glee, Tas leaped headfirst into the pillow, his entire body hitting the cloud-like bed and sending pinky-purple powder _everywhere_, though, of course, Tas, having implusively closed his eyes upon their contact with the pillow, did not notice. Laughing facetiously, Tas rolled over and happily kicked his legs on the bed.

"What the-" Sturm, hearing the wild cry of glee and the tell-tale _thump! _of a little body stricking his bed, and, cursing in Solamnic under his breath, the man ran into the room-which, might I remind you, was jam-packed with pinky-purple powder.

Sturm breathed in and began to cough as the powder tickled his nose and tongue, flew down his throat, and began to work full-force once it reached his lungs and stomache. A warm, dizzy feeling filled him and he staggered onto the bed.

Tas, opening his eyes, saw Sturm sitting on the bed, a wild light in his eyes and a maniac grin on his face. Laughing drunkenly, Sturm fell back on his bottom on the bed as the powder settled.

---

At the twin's home, Raistlin and Caramon were busy--Raistlin making lunch and Caramon whining. It was noontime, and, as Caramon had loudly and incessently reminded his brother, he hadn't eaten since breakfast and was _starving_. Raistlin, annoyed beyond the limit, had snapped at Caramon but nevertheless began to cook up some soup in the pot in the kitchen.

"What do you think about Flint going all crazy like that, Raist?" Caramon piped up, glancing hopefully at the pot.

"I think, my brother, that there is something wrong with that kender." Raistlin answered gravely, stirring the potato soup.

"Yeah! Me too. Did you see the way she gave whatever she gave to Flint! I thought he was going to burst a bubble!" Caramon giggled.

Raistlin blinked. "Burst a _bubble_?"

"Did I say that?"

"Yes, you did."

"Oh."

A pause.

"Why did I say that, Raist?" Caramon asked, staring at his brother in bafflement.

"Because the author's insane, my brother." Raistlin paused to add some marjoram to the soup.

"Oh."

Due to the fact that both brothers were watching the pot-Raistlin to see if it would boil and Caramon seeing when it would boil-neither of them noticed a figure carrying a kender run across the bridge and over to the ground. If they had, they would have to have been shocked again and talk like they weren't shocked. Again.

---

"Hey, Sturm, why did you tie me to a tree?" Tas asked innocently, looking down at the would-be Knight.

"Because I am Sturm the Sensational!" Sturm cried, flinging his arms into the air. "Aye! Because I am Sturm the Stern! Aye! Because I wanted to! Aye! Because I _really_ wanted to! Aye! Because you've been annoying the heck out of me all day! Aye! Because you look good against that tree! Aye! Because! Aye!"

"Oh." Tas said, nodding sagely as Sturm surveyed his handiwork. "Then you did a good job. But why are you saying 'Aye!' all the time? Can I try?! Aye!"

"Aye!" Sturm smiled dementedly at the joy filled kender. "You will say 'Aye' until I tell you to stop! Aye!"

"OK, uh, Aye!" Tas grinned, happy to be playing a game with his normally morose friend.

"Aye!" Sturm cried.

"Aye!" Tas yelled.

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye . . . hey, Sturm, I'm gettin' kinda tired of saying 'aye' so many times, and the game's kinda boring, so can we stop now?"

"NO!" Sturm yelled, flailing his arms around, forcing Tas to duck his head or be whacked. "Stop saying 'aye!'??? Aye! No one can resist aye! Aye! You have to say it!"

"And what if I don't want to say it?" Tas asked curiously.

"Then I would have to do Something Horrible. Something Terrible. Something Mind-Boggling. Something Awful. Something That You Don't Want To See!" Sturm whispered dramatically, staring solemly at Tas.

"Ooh!" Tas squealed with delight. He had never seen Sturm (or any of his other friends) do Something ThatHe Didn't Want To See! How exciting! "What are you going to do, Sturm?" He asked eagerly.

"Do you REALLY want to see?"

"Yes!" Tas said eagerly.

"Do you _really, really _want to see?"

"YES!"

"Do you really_, really, REALLY_want to see?"

"Just show me already!"

"OK!" Sturm looked around then leaned very close to Tas. "Nee!" He yelled in Tas's ear.

"What the!"

"Nee! Nee! I am the Knight Who Says--Nee! And I will say Nee! until I am tired of saying Nee! Aye-uh, nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee!"

---

Twenty minutes later . . .

---

Tas was severly tired of hearing 'Nee!' repeated over and over and marvelled the fact that Sturm had enough breath to keep saying it, but, on the whole, the whole situation was rather dull. The novelty of being tired to the trunk of the tree had long worn off, and Tas was getting . . . _bored._

"I'm bored." Tas complained.

The powder had not entirely addled Sturm's common sence. At these two dread words, Sturm stopped his incessent, albeit breathless and weary, neeing, turned around, and ran away screaming at the top of his lungs.

Raistlin, looking out the doorway at that minute, saw his companion turn tail and run away screaming from a kender tied to a tree . . .

Raistlin sighed. When one problem was resolved, another seemed to arise. Just how worse could this day get.

Much worse, Raistlin would come to realize. Much, muchworse.

"Was it something I said?" Tas wondered aloud, watching Sturm flee in panic.

_Yayy . . . boy this looks long . . . took a good four days to write . . . _

_Yeah, Kit & Tanis don't appear in this chappie, don't worry, the next one's all about them, and the one after that should involve all of them. Don't worry._

_Next chapter: What happens when you mix a drunken Kit and Tanis and a good bit of pinky-purple powder . . . and a pineapple . . . funny gaurenteed._


	6. A Really Long One Which I Can't Remember

_Disclaimer: I own nothing 'cept . . . 'cept . . . well, I have my immagination, that's one . . . now for two . . . think . . . think . . . nothing. Darnit._

_This was writtin on the full spur of the moment. Yes, mother, I really should be doing my homework, but . . . but . . . c'mon . . . I know . . . gremlins ate it! . . . no . . . positive she won't accept_ that_ . . . but . . . actually, I have no buts, but still!_

_No . . . that didn't make any sence whatsoever, did it?_

_Oh well._

_**IMPORTANT NOTE**: Raist ISN'T afraid of bunnies in the real books, but, for the sake of this chapter, he is. Sorry Raistlin . . . _

_No, the american teenager isn't me, she's modled after my cousin. Sorry y'all. _

_There is no such thing as too much Monty Python. _

_Nee! _

_Oh, and there's a little intimancy between Kit and Tanis, but nothing that exceeds the Gomez-and-Morticia level._

_Rea__d, please!_

**Chapter I-Don't-Remember-Or-For-That-Matter-I-Don't-Really-Care-This-Is-Wayyy-Too Long-Isn't-It-Okay-STOP.**

**Kit And Tanis, A Little Pinky-Purple Powder, Far Too Much Ale, And, Horror Of All Horrors, Sturm And A Bunny Costume . . . Kill Da Wabbit . . . Kill Da Wabbit . . . **

Suddenly, the stable wall at the Inn of the Last Home began to . . . swirl??

The brown became indigo . . . then blue . . . then white-blue . . .

What the heck was going on???

It continued to swirl . . . swirl like crazy . . .

And out stepped . . . the horror!

It was an American teenager.

She had spiky purple hair, midnight eyes, and olive skin. Her earrings were those of skulls and black plastic feathers, her shirt was large and pink, with the words "Tough Boys Wear Pink" stamped out on the front in bold black letters, dark bell-bottom jeans, a black long-sleeved under the pink shirt, a pair of tennis-shoes so ratty they must have been from the stone age, red finger-less gloves, and, in her arms was . . . a bunny costume.

A pink-eared, fluffy-tailed, white adult bunny costume.

The purehorror!

Looking around in exasperation, the teenager scowled. This _wasn't_ her little sister's birthday-party. Not that she actually wanted to go. But this was perfect! Tossing the bunny costume away in disgust, the teenager lept back into the Portal, grinning to herself. Talk about lucky breaks! So much for Miss Big-Sister Bunny Lady!

The Portal closed behind her, leaving the bunny costume to just lay there on the dirt.

----

Kit sat the ale mug back on the table with a _bang, _her eyes bright as the pinky-purple powder swirling in the drink slid down her throat and hit the stomache. Tanis did the same thing, his eyes even brighter than Kit's.

"Damn good!" breathed Kit, looking around for Otik. Raising her arm, she curled her hand into a fist and called out "Two more ales, barkeep!"

Beaming, Otik caried two more over. "Second draw from the new barrel." He stated proudly, watching as Tanis and Kit drank them down. "Another?"

Kit nodded, grinning, her dark eyes sliding slyly over to meet Tanis's, her hand creeping over to tickle his arm. Tanis playfully caught her fingers, kissing them one by one, then starting up her arm, Gomez style.

By the time they stopped, Kit and Tanis had drank the entire barrel, which,needless to say, was filled with purple-pink powder. Now both were eyeing each other salaciously, very, very close.

"You like?" Kit asked cutely, leaning over the table so that her liquid brown eyes were level with Tanis's.

"Delicious." Tanis grinned maniacly, sliding his hand through her curls.

"I will rule the world." Kit said dreamily, grinning. "I will rule the world, me and my force of . . . kender gremlins! And mosquitos! Bwahahahahahaha!" flinging her headback, Kitiara laughed evilly, succeeding in scaring all the patrons at the Inn and making the birds take flight and cloud the sky, dogs whimper, and cats to hiss. Tanis joined in, and the two laughed maniacly for a full five minutes.

Completely forgetting a tied-up and slumbering Flint, the two left the room, arms entwined, eyes locked.

----

Sturm, running away from a bored, tied-up Tas, neared the Inn and . . . tripped over something and fell on his face in the dirt.

"Yeow!" he cried, kneeling and rubbing his nose. Giggling, he stood, and began to dance.

And realized that he was stepping on a white thing.

A large white thing.

A large, furry, pink-eared, cotton-tailed thing.

A rabbit costume.

"Huh?" Sturm asked aloud, peering down at the Dreaded Thing. Something stirred in his mind . . . bunnies . . . Look, Raist . . . Raist . . . he didn't like that darned-'n-damned mage . . . wait a minute . . . bingo.

Giggling like mad, Sturm picked up the trample bunny costume and brushed it off, the n pulled it one. Slipping the hood over her head and his legs and arms into the ridcolous costume, then zippering it up, not even thinking about the fact that zippers hadn't been invented yet, Sturm thought that he was quite terrifying.

A group of children looked over, then screamed and ran away in terror.

To a child, a bunny is fine. A large bunny is fine, and perfectly tolerable.

But a grown man, giggling, with a manical light in his eyes and pink-purple powder in his mustache, dressed in a bunny costume, is just plain wrong.

No wonder the poor children were horrified.

The real horror, however, was yet to come.

**duh duh duh . . . **

----

Tas was begining to feel the effects of the mystical powder.

First, his fingers got real tingly. Then his arms and legs got all tingly and a warm, bubbly sensation flowed through him, causing him to giggle at the merest thought of a normally moderatly funny thing. Then his mind began to wander. Bored, he began to free himself.

Once back on the ground, the kender looked over and saw Tanis's home. His interest level rising, the kender skipped merrily over to Tanis's home. Entering, he spied a bow and a quivver of arrows, and picked them up and, shouldering them, left the home.

Walking out the door, he spied a large . . . bunny.

One thought struck him.

"Kill da wabbit." Tas sang, hefting the bow and running after Sturm.

----

Raistlin and Caramon left their home, having been done with lunch, and walked outside and onto the ground. Raistlin sat underneath a tree and began to study one of his books while Caramon just stood there looking stupid.

"Hey, Raist, what's a giant bunny doing there?" Caramon asked, having been considerably taken aback to spy Sturm waddling up to them.

"Giant bunny. . . ?" Raist murmered, lifting up his head and spying Sturm. His eyes widened in terror and his skin paled.

"Look, Raist!" Caramon cried out in surprise. "Uh . . . giant bunnies!"

"AAAAAAAAH!" screamed Raistlin, leaping to his feet and running back up the ladder.

Sturm and Caramon looked inquisitively at each other.

"No idea." Caramon said cheerfully.

Sturm smile at Caramon; a smile that made him shudder. It was the same kind of smile Kit had given him when she forced him to take a bath . . .

Sturm held out his arms and began to sing hypnotically. "I love you, you love me, we're a hap-py fam-i-ly . . . "

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Caramon screamed in terror, bolting after his twin at lightning speed.

_Ok . . . shorter than I planned . . . but still relatively good._

_Please review, I need to know what you think!!_

_Next chapter: Pure Chaos, wherein Raist finds out impotant information._


	7. Pure Chaos

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own twisted, sick immagination. And I'm certain I spelled that wrong. Oh well._

_This chapter is designed to show you, the reader, how truly desparate the situation is. _

_Really short, its obvious I'm making this up as I go along. It's funny, though!_

_Thanks to all those who reviewed and/or will review._

Chapter I-Finally-Figured-It-Out-It's-Chapter-Seven-!!!

Pure Chaos.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Caramon screamed in terror, bolting after his twin at lightning speed from a Barney-singing Sturm dressed in a horrifying bunny costume.

"With a great big hug, and a--"

_Twang!_

Sturm jumped three feet in the air, due to the springs in the feet of his bunny costume, just in time to spot Tas. The powder-induced kender was holding a bow and a quiver of arrows, and shooting--directly at Sturm!

Raistlin, watching from safely above, away from the demented evil giant bunny, realized that having Tas learn archery from Tanis was not the brightest thing the companions had done.

"Kill da wabbit, kill da wabbit, kill da wabbit!" Tas sang to ridiculous kill-da-wabbit music that came plain out of nowhere, skipping over to Sturm, who, seeing the wabbit-killer kender, was frantically hopping away, completely forgetting he was perfectly capable of running.

What happened next was pure stupidity.

Tanis and Kitiara rounded the corner, coming into Caramon's sight. But that was not what made Caramon's eyes bug out and Raistlin's mouth to hand open.

Tanis was dressed completely in black: black leather pants, black leather shirt, black leather vest, black leather boots, clack leather gloves, and black cloth cape that was much too long for him. He had penciled a fake mustache on his lip, and in one hand he held a sword, in the other he held a bone-white skull. Kitiara was wearing a ridiculous, fluffy dress and carrying a sparkly magic wand.

"_To be, or not to be, that is the question_!" Tanis proclaimed, holding up the skull.

"Bippity boppity bippity bo!" Kitiara sang, waving the wand.

"Kill da wabbit, kill da wabbit!" _twang, twang, twang_.

"-Kiss from me to you-" Sturm hopped over and kissed Kit on the lips. She whacked him full in the face with the wand, all the while singing drunkenly, and they both avoided Tas's arrows, which where growing steadily closer to their mark.

"_Pillicock sat on a Pillicock-hill: Halloo, halloo, loo, loo_!" Tanis sang, doing sort of a drunken tap-dance while clutching the skull.

"Bippity, bippity, boppity, boo!"

"Kill da wabbit, kill da wabbit!" _twang_!

"-won't you say you-Aiyh!" Tas's arrow had succeeded in glazing Sturm's cheek.

As one, Raistlin and Caramon turned and fled for home.

----------

"What the hell is going on, Raist?" Caramon asked worridly. "Everyone's so . . . insane . . . "

"For once, Caramon, I agree with you." Raist snapped. Sighing, he sank into the chair.

"Hey, Raist, what's this?" Caramon asked, noticing some pinky-purple powder on his hand. Raistlin leaned forward to inspect it, then sucked in a breath. "Freeze, Caramon!"

Caramon froze as Raistlin carefully removed the powder from his hand and laid it on the table.

"I think, my brother, I've discovered something." Raistlin murmered, leaning over the table, taking care not to breathe in the powder.

"What?"

"I have no idea, it will take a little study." Raistlin, already deep in thought, cast a worried look outside at the chaos. "This is what I want you to do-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"What the heck?!"

Raistlin glanced out the doorway at his friends below. "Quick, come with me, Caramon!"

Together, in a hurry, the two left the kitchen-Raistlin taking the powder with him-and retreated to the bedroom, first locking the door and posting Caramon as gaurd.

----------

Outdoors, it was even more chaotic than before, made worse by the fact that civilians were now screaming and running around in circles at the sight of Tanis, Kit, Sturm and Tas.

Tawny, poking her head out the doorway of a home, grinned to herself. This was even more entertaining than what she origionally had planned!

The kendermaid slipped into a tree, climbing nibly through the branches in order to get a better view. This was better than wrestling!

As she hung out the tree, her pouch of powder tilted and ripped on a branch, showering the four Companions beneath her in powder . . .

_Cliffhanger!_

_Hope you like, next chapter soon!_

_Oh, and what Tanis said is Shakespeare . . . yes, he did write that . . . don't ask._

_Review, please!_

_Next chapter, a familiar talking black cat . . . those of you who've seen Sabrina know whom I'm talking about . . . _


	8. Tawny Does A Horifying Thing And Raistli...

_Back again. . . _

_Disclaimer: I claim only Tawny, who was inspired by my two best friends, Alice and Deli-espeically Deli. Yes, Delta-Echo, I am calling you Deli, simply cuz it annoys the heck outa you. _

_Note: I am using a good bit of my twisted and sick and warped and weird imagination in this chappie! Duh duh duh!_

_No! Hey, wait, stop screaming and come back here!_

_O-o well, for those who haven't run away, try to see how long you can keep from laughing, I dare ya._

_Note: Sliddled is a word. How? I just made it up, so it's a word! Not nessessary a word in any known language, but a word nevertheless! _

_Another Note: the incredibly boring bit that Tawny uses to put the Companions asleep comes from my science book. Please skip it, unless, of course, you LIKE it . . . _

Chapter Seven!

Tawny Does A Horifying Thing And Raistlin Makes An Interesting Discovery.

Tawny sliddled down the tree, where Sturm the Giant Bunny, Tanis the Shakespearian, Kitiara the Demented Fairy Godmother, and a Kill-Da-Wabbit-crazed Tas were coughing in the sudden downpour of mystical Moon Loon powder. Retrieving a rope from one of her many pouches, Tawny, yelping like a demon fresh out of the Abyss, herded the helpless four to a tree and tied them to it. Ignoring the Shakespeare recitals, horrible singing, and drunken giggles, she stood before them and began to recite:

"Earth's atmosphere can consist of anywhere from near zero to about four percent water vapor by volume. Water vapor in Earth's atmosphere has several important roles. Clouds need it to, therefore water vapor is the source of rain, sleet, and snow. But the role of water vapor in the atmosphere is even more complex."

Tanis, Sturm, Tas, and Kit were asleep by the second word.

Grinning, Tawny whipped out (ugh!) powder, lipstick, eyeshadow, blush, mascara, red paint, eyebrow pencil, various tiny cans of paint, and permanet marker . . .

Twenty minutes later, Tawny stepped back to observe her work.

Tanis had on bright red lipstick-both on his lips and nose-, white powder all over his face, bright pink cheeks, and black mascara, making him look like a demented clown. Kit's face had on so much make-up that she was totally unrecognizable, and Sturm's face was a battlefield of hearts, stars, circles, ovals, heptogons, squiggles, _Kiss_ _Me_s, and various other shapes and words, all done in black permanet marker. Tas's face spotted tousands of circles, tiny ones and large ones, all done in a purple and yellow and orange and green and red and blue and white and burgundy.

Tawny collapsed, laughing so hard that tears ran down her face. Giggling madly, she got up and began to do a sort of demented tap-dance, shrieking with laughing every once and a while. once she got a hold on herself, the kender maid skipped up and yelled in Tanis's ear.

"AAH!" cried out Tanis. Awakened by the unholy schreech, the other three jolted away.

"A-ha! Tee tee! Chim chimmeny!" Tawny giggled. Skipping up to Sturm, she asked, "Why do you have 'Kiss Me' on your forehead?"

"I love you, you love me-" Sturm began to sing. Tawny frowned at him.

"OK, if you say so." going over to the river, after about ten tries Tawny caught a frog-a nice, fat, slimy green one. Going over to Sturm, she eyed him. "Are you sure?"

"Kiss from me to you-"

"OK, if you say so." Tawny shrugged, than pressed what she presumed were the frog's lips to Sturm's mouth, frowned at the eyes staring at her, and turned the frog around so that it was facing Sturm, and so that she was facing what Sturm had kissed.

"GAG!" he cried out, yanking his head away from the frog's. Choking, Sturm spit up every thing he had in his mouth onto the ground, coughing and choking.

"I asked you." Tawny absentmindly pocketed the frog, who croaked in indignation. Digging her hoopak into the ground, she began to leap around it, laughing manically as she did so.

Kitiara began to laugh maniacally with her, tossing her head back and looking at Tanis out of the corner of her eye.

Tawny stopped and skipped up to Tanis. "Good morning, dude."

"Give me the map there. Know that we have divided in three out kingdom, and tis our intent to shake all cares from our age, conferring them onto younger strengths." Tanis declared gravely.

"Really!" Tawny grinned. "Can I have the part with all the magical towers? Please? My Uncle Trapspringer-actually, he wasn't exactly my uncle, more of my mother's sister's husband's brother's father's sister's second cousin by marriage. Anyway, Uncle Trapspinger once went into a magical tower, and-"

The next part is deleted, otherwise we'd've been here all day.

"So, the conclusion of the story is to always brush your teeth, or else tiny blue opra-singing gremlins will envade your mouth and tap-dance the whole day away, which, by the way, got me thinking-what IS tap-dancing? Anyway, a guy once told me, 'Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink dwarf spirits all day. I wonder, why would anyone do that? Well, maybe they-"

Kitiara kicked the kendermaid, or, to be more correct, Kitiara attempted to kick the kendermaid, Tawny having jumped out of the way just in time. Irritated, Tawny eyed Kitiara, then began to sing:

"_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves _

_Everybody's nerves_

_Everybody's nerves_

_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves _

_And this is how it goes!_

_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves _

_Everybody's nerves_

_Everybody's nerves_

_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves _

_And this is how it goes!I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves _

_Everybody's nerves_

_Everybody's nerves_

_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves _

_And this is how it goes!I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves _

_Everybody's nerves_

_Everybody's nerves_

_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves _

_And this is how it goes!I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves _

_Everybody's nerves_

_Everybody's nerves_

_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves _

_And this is how it goes!"_

Tawny finished, having completely run out of breath. Tanis, Tas, Kit, and Sturm stared at her with annoyed expressions on their faces.

"AHA!" Tawny laughed crazily, pointing a triumphant finger at Tanis. "I annoyed you, which was my objective! Yea! I wanted to annoy you, so I sang that annoying song, which was gaurenteed to annoy you, and I wanted you annoyed, so I sang the annoying song, and, ho!, you're annoyed! You can't deny it! Admit it! _**ADMIT IT**_!"

"Bippity-boppity-boo?" Kitiara sang tossing her head from side to side and laughing.

"HA! YOU ADMITTED IT! You're annoyed! Because I sang that annoying song to get you annoyed because I wanted you annoyed, so I sang the annoying song, and you just admitted that you're annoyed, so my plan to annoy you by singing that annoying song worked! Ha!" Tawny did a weird, demented tap-dance, giggling.

"Aye!" Sturm nodded sagely.

Tawny grinned, then pulled out two coconuts and began to fake-ride, banging the coconuts together rhythmatically. Stopping in front of Tanis, she asked, "What's the seven-letter word, that, if you remove the third letter, it becomes longer?"

"Darkness and devils!" Tanis cried dramatically.

"NO! It's 'lounger', not 'darknessanddevils!" Tawny giggled maniacally. Turning to Tas, she asked, "Knock-knock."

"Kill da wabbit." Tas answered, grinning.

"No! Say 'Who's there." Tawny instructed, frowing slightly.

"Oh. Who's there?"

"Me."

"Me who?"

"Me, silly."

"Me silly who?"

"Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

"Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha who?"

"Me."

"Oh." Tas blinked, then grinned wider. "I knew that."

Grinning her demented grin, Tawny sat down and began to tell another Uncle Trapspringer story.

* * *

Raistlin and Caramon observed this from a safe ways away in the forest, having sucessfully sneaked past Tawny and her prisioners. Now, Caramon was 'standing gaurd' and Raistlin was flipping through his book.

"The powder was pinky-purply in color, and it came from the petals of a Jadhgjsohgsithshsh flower, also called a 'Moon Loon' flower because it only blooms in the full moon. If picked on a blue moon, or the second full moon in a month, the petals, when ground, produce a powder that produces insanity." Raistlin read off his notes to Caramon, who did not understand a word of it. "The effects are, however, temporary, thank the gods. If my deductions are correct-" here Raistlin flipped through a dozen or so pages filled with writing. "than only one thing can halt their effects."

"Which is . . . ?"

"Cold water."

_My, I do seem to love cliffhangers._

_The Tawny bit was solely for you, Atled Willy. Hope all of you liked._

_Please review!_


	9. Monkeys, Twister, and Stuff

_Disclaimer: I claim nothing except my demented imagination. _

_For all those who think that this is coming to an end, you are highly mistaken, I'm having wayyyyyyyyyyy too much fun with this to even THINK of ending it now . . ._

_OMG! I forgot Salem! smacks self on head _

_well, he appears in this chapter, I can assure you!"_

Chapter . . . chapter . . . oh who cares

In Which A Bunch of Things Happen.

The unfortunate foursome, Kitiara, Tanis, Sturm, and Tas stood pressed to the tree withall the many ropes, drooling, heads looling, eyes fixed off into space. Tawny, oblivious to this, sat cross-legged on the floor, finishing her thousanth Uncle Trapspring story.

"And then this womping big crab got stuck in the gully-dwarf's pants, and the gully-dwarf, whose name was-uh-Rof? Was it Rof? Let's say it was Rof-well, anyway, Rof started screaming his head off, which reminds me, how is that possible? Can you really scream so much that your head just falls off? Let me try-(gasp) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-gasp-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Tawny finished screaming, watching with interest as those who'd jumped 1,800,000 feet in the air came floating back down, and began to cough. Clearing her throat, the kendermaid continued. "Well, I guess you can't, since I just screamed really, really loudly and my head's still intact, oh-well, so, anyway, back to my story, Rof screamed his head off and fainted dead away, which reminds me, how can you do that?"

* * *

Raistlin grimaced as he removed his finger from the stream, glaring at it. "No luck, the water's lukewarm." 

"You can still use it." Caramon suggested hopefully.

"No, I can't, the water has to be _cold,_ my brother. Otherwise it won't be right."

"Fight!" Caramon looked wildly around. "Did you say fight??"

"No, I said-"

"FFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTT!" Caramon screamed, wildly waving a stick above his head. Screaming his war-cry, Caramon plunged into the forest and . . . ran smack into a tree.

BANG!

"Ugh . . . " Caramon slid down the tree, rubbing his head. Raistlin shook his head at the stupidity of his brother.

"Oh, that was smart." a saucy voice spoke from the bushes.

"Whozair!?" Caramon, rubbing his skull, turned to look at the bushes.

"I am your master . . . I am the all-powerful . . . I am the RULER OF THE UNIVERSE! BOW DOWN TO ME! BOW! MUHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-" the rest ended in a cough and a "sorry. Stupid hairball."

"What the . . . ???" Caramon bent over cautiously as Raistlin rose to his feet from beside the stream.

"MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS! MONKEYS!" the voice shouted.

"Raist, why is the invisble voice shouting monkeys?" Caramon looked at Raistlin in confusion.

"Because the author has issues, my brother."

* * *

The phrase: 'back at the ranch' means 'while one character is doing blah blah blah, another character is doing' and procedes to tell you, the gentle reader, what blah blah blah the other character is doing. So, in this chapter, the phrase 'back at the ranch' really has nothing to do with ranches, and the author wonders who the heck made this up?? But for the purpose of this chapter, the phrase 'back at the ranch' means 'back to Tawny and the poor foursome'. 

Back at the ranch, Tawny had finished her Uncle Trapspringer story and was getting (duh duh duh) _bored _sitting there yammering her head off (she attempted to literally do this, but it didn't work. Too bad) and was regarding Tanis's drooling mouth with a maniac air.

"I know what we can do!"

No one answered, they were too busy drooling, making their heads loll, or staring blankly into space.

"Let's play . . . Twister!"

Tawny reached into her pouch and pulled out the game (don't ask how she managed to fit it in) and began setting it up. Tas began to hum 'It's A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood', Kit began to kicked at the air randomly, Sturm began reciting (flourish of trumpets) The Code And The Measure!, and Tanis . . . Tanis . . . Tanis . . . Tanis did something.

Tawny, having finished setting up the game, rummaged around in Tanis's pockets until she found a knife, and began slloooooooooowwlllllllllllllllllllllllllyy cutting the foursome free. Tas attempted escape, and had to be hit over the head, resulting in the distressing fact that he was quickly unconcious. The remaining three just stood and stared.

"What the heck are we doing?" Kit demanded, going up on tip-toe and spinning around, bumping into Tanis as she did so.

"We're playing Twister! Get on the edge of the mat!" Tawny ordered, banging her hoopak on the ground in time to her tone. Kit, Sturm, and Tanis skipped merrily over to the mat and stood at the edge.

Grinning, Tawny walked over to the spinner, and gave the spinny-thingy a flick. It landed on yellow. "Tanis, right hand yellow."

Tanis, grinning, bent down and stuck his hand on the yellow circle.

Tawny spun again. " Fairy Grandmother, left foot blue."

Kit stuck her left foot on the blue circle.

"Sir Bunny, right paw red."

Sturm stuck his hand on the red circle.

"Elfy, left hand blue."

Tanis bent over Kit to put his hand on the circle next to her foot. In doing so he managed to tickle her. They both began laughing dementedly while Sturm stared at them.

Tawny whictled cheerfully. This was going to be _fun_.

* * *

Two hours later

Kit, Sturm,and Tanis were twisted hopelessly together, resembling the Eiffle Tower, a pretzel, and a ball of string, all at the same time. Tawny grinned at them.

"Isn't this _fun_?"

No one answered.

"Ok, game's over, this is getting boring."

Kit, Sturm, and Tanis collapsed into a tangled pile of legs, arms, and tunas. (Before you ask, think of this: do ya really wanna know?)

Tawny, yanking them apart (this took several minutes, made even longer by Sturm's obsession with pineapples. Again, don't ask.) knocked them out again and tied them to the tree-upside down.

Then she began to tell another of her stories again.

* * *

_Hi, sorry about the shortness, I'm just typing whatever mindless insanity comes tomy mind._

_Please tell me what you think._

_In other words, please review._


	10. When Good Furbies Go Bad

_Disclaimer: I claim nothing._

_Sorry it's taken so long to update, I needed fresh inspiration._

_Hope you like this._

**Chapter . . . Still Haven't Remembered Which One.**

**The Terrifying Torment and Ultimate Horror of Good Furbies Gone Bad.**

Meanwhile, back to Raistlin and Caramon . . .

"MONKEYS!" the invisible voice finished, then began to hack. "Damn hairball!"

"Uhh . . ." Caramon cautiously crept to the place where the cursing was coming from and parted the greenery.

There sat a cat.

A fat cat.

A coughing cat.

A male cat.

A black cat.

A cat we all know.

"OKAY ALREADY!" Caramon yelled. "It's a CAT, for jeez sakes, get on with the story!"

"And I am not FAT, and to call me such is an insult!" Salem added pointedly.

"JUST FOR THAT, YOU'RE GONNA PAY!" a voice screamed from nowhere.

Suddenly, the trees hiding the three from Tawny and her insanity (and the disturbing sight of Tas, Tanis, Kitiara, and Sturm dressed in horrible costumes, wearing outrageous make-up, and tied upside down to a tree) disappeared.

"Should we run?" Salem wondered.

"Uh oh." Caramon muttered.

"Shoot." Raistlin spat.

Tawny had seen them.

* * *

Hey, they weren't hard to miss. Two people, one a skinny shrimp, the other a hulking giant, the third a cat, tend to sand out when the only thing surrounding them is grass. 

Tawny squealed in delight. Her friends were getting boring, anyway.

"New friends to play with!" she called out gaily, grabbing her hoopak and skipping up to Raistlin, Caramon, and Salem.

* * *

"And that, my brother, is why you never get the author angry." Raistlin remarked to Caramon as Tawny approached. 

"Should we run?" Salem wondered.

"_Oh!Down by the bay! where the wata melons grow! back to my home! I dare not go!_"

"I think we should run." Salem repeated nervously.

"_For if I do! my mother will say!_"

"And I think that's a good idea." Raistlin replied, shuddering.

"Hey, if a crazed kender female intent on 'playing' with us is rapidly approaching, why the hell are we just standing here! RUN AWAY!" Caramon yelled, waving his arms.

"_Didja ever see a cat! singing a-da-do-dat!_"

"RUN AWAY!" screamed Raistlin, Caramon, and Salem, and the three bolted for the woods.

Unfortuantely, luck was not with them.

Caramon tripped on a banana, falling foward on Raistlin, who in turn fell on Salem. The three collapsed in a heap.

"Get offa me!" yelled an irate Raistlin, struggling to breathe beneath the crushing weight of his twin.

"All of you get offa me!" Salem, squashed, squeaked out from beneath Raistlin.

"Sorry! How in the name of Ripe Guacamoles did a banana get in the scene?"

"Will we ever know?"

"Uh . . . "

"Never mind."

"OK."

"Well, now we have a problem."

"Oh, Raist, I already knew you had a problem."

_SLAP!_

"Oh, sorry Raist. I mean, now we both have a problem?"

"Yes." Raistlin hissed through gritted teeth.

"What is it?"

"There's a crazed, insane, loony kender right behind you."

"That is a problem." Caramon sighed deeply. "Any ideas?"

"How about you get off me?"

"That sounds good!"

"Then do it, moron!"

Caramon got off of Raistlin, who was looking very much like a pancake at this point.

Too late.

"Hiya!" Tawny skipped over to the three, grinning broadly. Only instead of her hoopak, she now held two lassos. "Come play with me."

"Not for all the steel in the world!" Caramon swore.

Tawny lassoed him easily.

* * *

About ten minutes later, Tawny had added Caramon, Raistlin, and Salem to her collection of upside-down companions tied to a tree. 

"Hey, how'd you get me upside down?" Caramon wondered aloud.

"Pineapples, my dear Watson. Simple pineapples."

"Oh." Caramon blinked. "Hey, wait a minute . . . "

"Leave it." Raistlin said grimly. "Some things are better left unsaid."

"But she's just a scrawny little theif, how-"

"THEIF!" screamed a previously laughing Tawny, suddenly furious. Raistlin shot Caramon a Death Glare, or the best Death Glare he could shoot, considering the lima beans.

Some things are just better left unsaid.

"Oops." Caramon muttered.

Tawny glared at him.

"Now you've gotten me mad." She said delibrately, each word a sentence.

Tas, Tanis, Kitiara, and Sturm wiggled their toes as blood rushed to their faces. Raistlin, Caramon, and Salem, however, looked at the irate kendermaid in growing horror.

"And do you know what I do when I get mad?" Tawny asked, grinning maniacally.

Caramon gulped.

Tawny leaned forward, her eyes gleaming insanely. "Have you ever heard of . .. furbies?"

* * *

An onlooker (and there were many) gawked at the sight about the tree and shook their heads in pity for the unfortunate victims. For now, instead of grass surrounding the tree that the companions (not including Flint, who was still snoring away inside the Inn.) there were . . . 

Furbies.

A million furbies.

A million laughing, chattering, annoying, dancing, pineappling, singing, irritating, cajoling, begging, whining, trilling, purring furbies.

The pure horror.

**duh duh duh.**

Raistlin, Caramon, and Salem were looking at the million laughing, chattering, annoying, dancing, pineappling, singing, irritating, cajoling, begging, whining, trilling, purring furbies with deep terror.

"This is torture!" screamed Raistlin.

"STOP IT!" cried Caramon.

"I'm too young to go insane."

"Dude, you're like, an evil wizard guy that got turned into a cat. You're not young." Caramon put in.

"Oh, you HAD to remind me . . . "

"Shut up, both of you." Raistlin gritted his teeth. In all his life, this was the most horrifying torment he had ever recieved.

Tawny skipped up to the tree. "Having fun?" she asked brightly.

"Nope." Salem snapped.

"Is there anything you need?" Tawny asked the cat innocently.

"No, I don't think so. Oh, wait, come to think of it, I _could_ use a little FREEDOM!" Salem yelled sarcastically.

The furbies drowned him out.

Tawny laughed to herself, drawing something out of her pocket. "Guess what!"

"What?" demanded Salem.

"Tell you later, you're having so much fun with the furbies, aren't you?"

"No! Hey, wait, COME BACK! Ohhhh. . . " Salem began to cry.

Caramon watched the kendermaid's retreating back as she wound her way over the furbies, heading away from the tree with deep horror.

Raistlin sighed and commenced wiggling his toes to pass the hours.

"Pway with me!" one furby called.

The hours were going to be long.

* * *

_Sooooooooooo . . . _

_didja like this? Could I improve it? Do you have any ideas?_

_Please review._


	11. Chickens

_Disclaimer: I own Tawny and Palmer, NO ONE OR THING ELSE._

_Chickens . . . I blame you, Deli . . . explodes into hysterical laughter_

Chapter Ten!

Chickens.

Palmer Shamrock, eccentric younger sister to the renown Tawny Shamrock, skipped along the path. It was a beautiful day. The sun was singing, the birds were shining, no pesky guards were chasing her, yup, all was well with the world . . .

WAP!

. . . which was exactly why she didn't notice the red brick wall smack in front of her until she had the misfortune to hit it.

"Now, how did that get there?" the kendermaid mused to herself, rubbing her forehead. She had long, long hair that she had colored an amazing array of colors: sky blue, three types of purple, hot pink, lime green, ruby red, sunny yellow, stark orange, dove grey, all the colors of the rainbow (and more, as she had the habit of mixing them together to get an interesting brown or unamed color). It hung down in a long topknot, adorned with several soft feathers, leaves, an occasional bell, and flowers of every color wrapped in her strands. Her face was cherubic and sweet, with soft, large, doe-like brown eyes that veily bubbled over with her zest and untainted joy for life. Unlike her elder sister, who adorned everything with whatever she could get her hands on, Palmer wore bright, cheerful colors, yellows and greens and sky blues. She tie-died everything she could get her hands on, including her shoes and pouches. Also unlike Tawny, who played with bottles of purfume human women so carelessly left on closet shelves, Palmer simply did not use man-made smells: a perpetual sent of fresh grass and sweet flowers and ripe apples and clear spring water hung around Palmer, a sent that only seemed to enhance her joy for life.

Skipping undauntedly away from the troublesome brick wall (not stopping to think just how a brick wall got in the middle of the road) the kendermaid hopped to the side of the wall, and peered into the fenced-in place.

It was a chickenhouse.

A rather pretty red brick chicken house, Palmer observed. The chickens-never had she seen so many, not even on Uncle Hablon's farm-were everywhere! They were literarily scrambling on top of each other to get to the food.

But who cared? They were _chickens_!

Giggling, Palmer leaned over the fence, observing the chickens. She noticed how they seemed so _skinny_! Small and boney, she could see them scramble for what was left of the food, which wasn't much. Palmer looked around. These chickens were obviously hungry, starving probably-Palmer's eyes took on an angry light. These chickens _were_ starving, she noted. How rude! The poor chickens!

Well, Palmer decided, smiling, she would fix that.

Hopping down from the fence, the kendermaid rifled in her tie-died pouches for something to feed the chickens. She came up with nothing, just a feather (which she stuck in her topknot), a piece of string (that went back in the pouch), a bulky, heavy platinum-and-ruby ring (tossed carelessly over she shoulder), a husk doll (back in the pouch) and some of the pouches her sister Tawny had given her.

Didn't Tawny have a powder of some sort . . . ?

Palmer suddenly rifled back through her pouches, looking for the one Tawny hadgiven her. It was the only one not tie-died, for it was made entirely of sequins sewn together. Opening it, her smile turned into a full-fledged beam.

Inside lay the purply-pinky powder Tawny had given her. Because it had been smushed together, most of it was pressed into hard bits that were perfect for the part of chickenfeed.

Hastily closing the pouch, the excited kendermaid hopped onto the fence and promptly opened it again. Smiling at the chickens, she reached in a flung a handful of the stuff onto the chickens.

They hastened to it, pecking and eating the powder hungrily. All the other chickens came over, and it became a frenzy.

Delighted that she had been able to help, Palmer flung handful after handful onto the chickens, finally dumping the whole bag. She watched eagerly as all the particles of powder were consumed, grinning. She had fed the chickens!

Giggling, she tied the pouch back on. The chickens were no longer hungry, and she could always use the pouch for later stuff she hapened to find along the way. She looked over her shoulder and noticed that the chickens were stnading very, very still.

And then they started to caw wildly and sun around in circles.

Once she (almost) quit laughing, Palmer noted how energetic the chickens had become. She looked over at the tiny yard: it was simply not enough! Humans could be so cruel. Shaking her head, Palmer inspected the gate: it was a rusty thing, and old. Someone had abandoned these chickens!

How _mean._

Palmer grinned as she finished inspecting the gate. It would give. Looking over at the over-enthusiastic chickens, she smiled and, with a jerk of her leg, kicked down the door.

Imeadiately, the chickens ran out onto the yard, flapping and skipping. Happy that she had helped, Palmer continued on her way, blissfully unaware of the havoc that her seemingly harmless actions was about to cause . . .

**duh duh duh**.

* * *

Time passes slowly when you are forced to listen to a million laughing, chattering, annoying, dancing, pineappling, singing, irritating, cajoling, begging, whining, trilling, purring furbies. 

Raistlin the Red-faced, Caramon the Big Red Balloon, Kitiara the Demented Fairy Godmother, Tanis the Hamlet-Wannabe, Tas the Kill-Da-Wabbit-Dude, Sturm the Giant Bunny, and a thouroughly miserable Salem the Dumb-Wizard-Dude-Who-Tried-To-Take-Over-The-Messed-Up-World-And-Failed-And-Because-He-Was-An-Evil-Dumb-Wizard-Dude-And-Really-_Whiny_-I-Mean-Have-You-Heard-This-Dude-Whine-Anyway-The-Other-Good-Wizard-Dudes-Turned-Him-Into-A-Black-Cat-And-Now-The-Author-Is-Shutting-Up-Now-Bye-Bye were tied upside down to a tree. Of all the dudes, only Caramon and Raistlin looked relatively normal. Read the previous chapters to find out how the others looked.

"Dude, nice name." Caramon remarked over the din of the millionlaughing, chattering, annoying, dancing, pineappling, singing, irritating, cajoling, begging, whining, trilling, purring furbies.

"Dude, that's not my name!" Salem the Dumb-Wizard-Dude-Who-Tried-To-Take-Over-The-Messed-Up-World-And-Failed-And-Because-He-Was-An-Evil-Dumb-Wizard-Dude-And-Really-_Whiny_-I-Mean-Have-You-Heard-This-Dude-Whine-Anyway-The-Other-Good-Wizard-Dudes-Turned-Him-Into-A-Black-Cat-And-Now-The-Author-Is-Shutting-Up-Now-Bye-Bye replied. "And I resent being called dumb!"

Note: now Salem's title is the _Really_-_Really_-_Really_-_Really_-_Really_-_Really_-Dumb-Wizard-Dude-Who-Tried-To-Take-Over-The-Messed-Up-World-And-Failed-And-Because-He-Was-An-Evil-Dumb-Wizard-Dude-And-Really-_Whiny_-I-Mean-Have-You-Heard-This-Dude-Whine-Anyway-The-Other-Good-Wizard-Dudes-Turned-Him-Into-A-Black-Cat-And-Now-The-Author-Is-Shutting-Up-Now-Bye-Bye.

"I don't like that either!"

"Oh, just shut up, dude."

"Does anyone have the feeling that we dudes are using the word 'dude' wayyyyyy too much?"

"You can never have too many dudes, dude!"

"Caramon . . . I'm not even going to say it."

"Uh, Raist . . . "

"Yes?"

"What's that?"

"What is what?"

"That big cloud of dust coming up the road and heading right towards us."

"Oh . . . that. I would have to say that was an approaching stampede of rampaging chickens."

"Oh."

. . . silence.

"WHAT!"

Both brothers turned to observed the spetacle of approaching rampaging chickens with growing horror.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Salem screamed.

"Dude, that was my _ear_!" Caramon wailed.

"Who cares! We'reabout to be run over and squashied by a bunch of evil rampaging chickens!" Salem wailed.

"Quit wailing!"

The two shut up andall three turned to observed the chickens.

There were a lot of them, certainly. Raistlin would have to say about thirty or fourty.

And thas a lo' chikkens. nods

They came, clucking and clucking louder and scaping and even more clucking! THE PURE ABSOLUTE CHICKENY HORROR!

"Thus the gates of the Abyss spew forth the hellish demons." Caramon said in awe.

"The gates of the Abyss are open! Let me in!" Raistlin brightened up considerably.

Suddenly, all three noticed that the chickens were getting closer . . . and closer . . . and closer . . .

"Brace yourselves." Raistlin muttered grimly, following his own advice.

The rampaging chickens had arrived.

* * *

_still laughing_

_LOL! Tell me what you think, please review, if you do I'll thank you!_


	12. Stuff

_Disclaimer: I claim only my imagination, and you can't take that away even if you wanted to. _

_This was inspired by the stuff my best friend and I do . . . I hope ya like it. _

**Another Chapter Ten!**

**Note: Since I Can't Remember Which Chapter I'm On I'm Just Going To Call Them All Chapter Ten So Please Live With It.**

**The Horror That Chickens Do, Combined With Mickey Mouse.**

Caramon looked around. The tree-city was in ruins, due to rampaging chickens. Everything was feathered and smelled like chickens. The remaining chickens were just milling around, the effects of the powder wearing off.

It was desastorous.

And I spelled that wrong.

But, on the plus side, the chickens had trampled the stupid dumb furbies.

On the down side, Tawny was back.

"HI!" she called, grinning her maniacal grin and skipping over in a flurry of scarves. Her sequined orange shirt, yellow pants, and pink vest, complete with gauzy red and purple scarves-some sewn with sequins-stood out in the feathered world.

Considering the fact that no answers were forthcoming, she grinned at them. Kit, Sturm, Tas, and Tanis had long past out from standing on their head for so long. Raistlin was on the vurge, and Caramon was so red that he resembled a big red balloon, as stated in earlier chapters.

Tawny frown. This was getting boring. Flipping out a knife-one that bore an incredible resemblence to Kitiara's-Tawny cut the roped.

Raistlin, Caramon, Salem, Tanis, Kit, Sturm, and Tas all flopped onto the floor.

Tawny observed them for a minute, then decided that they needed a drink. After all, being in the middle of a chicken stampede did make one thirsty. Skipping past the woozy Caramon, she danced her way up to the Inn.

In the Inn, she found a good few cups of ale that no one wanted. Skipping over to the kitchen, she lept out through the hole in the floor, crying jeronimo.

"JERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO–umph!"

Recovering from her fall (the guacamole helped) (we beg you not to ask), Tawny skipped over to her friends. They looked incredebly woozy still, and a nice, cold drink–a drink dilated by nice, cold water–would help. Thinking of this, Tawny set the megs down and skipped over to the town well. Drawing a cup, she tasted it and made a face. Ack! It was lukewarm.

But she knew what would probably fix it.

Drawing out her pouch of purple-pinky moon loon powder, Tawny tossed the whole contents into the well, turnin the water purple-pink for a little bit befre the powder dissolved, making the water misty. But no one would care.

Tawny drew out a cup, took a taste. Good! The purple-pink powder–coming from the petals of a Jadhgjsohgsithshsh flower, also called a 'Moon Loon' flower because it only blooms in the full moon–produced insanity in all beings except Kender,whowhere strangely immune toit. However, if inhaled, like she believed her friend Tas had done, it would dizzy the brain and produce a condition similar to the insanity that affected all other races. The moon loon powderaffect had probably worn off of Tas by now, and he'd be back to normal, so they could share stories and play more games.

However, Tawny, while she did know the powder, if inhaled, would produce insane effects, wasblithely unaware of the powder's other podent effects. She only knew that the dizzy effects wore off after two or so hours, and that the powder, if placed in a drink, made it taste wonderfully like fresh strawberries. Believing this, she congradulated herself on making the stale water taste better and skipped away, back over to the ale mugs. She had no more Moon Loon powder to place in them, she realized. O.o well. No really big matter.

She tipped each of the borrowed cups down her friends throats, then drank one herself for good measure.

Hey, she was thirsty, too.

"Ughhhh." Sturm came consiousness still dressed in his Bunny suit. Kit, Tanis, and Tas too awoke.

As you remember, they all were dressed ridicolously with face paints and evertything.

"WHY THE HELL AM I IN A DRESS! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!" Kit snatched off her dress, grabbed a sword smack outa nowhere, and sliced the Evil Garment to pieces. Of ocurse, she had taken off the dress, so . . . I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

Kitiara's Charisma just rose 14,000 levels up.

"O.o" Surm, Caramon,and Tanis all said in usion, staring at Kit.

"You're her brother, prevert!" Raistlin slapped Caramon on the side of the head.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH IT'S MY EVIL TWIN RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN FAR AWAYYYYYYYY!" Caramon screamed, running far away.

Every stared.

"Ooooooooookayyy." Tawny, Raistlin, Kit, Tanis, Sturm, Tas, and Salem said after a whole minute of staring.

"Even your own brother thinks you're evil." Sturm remarked to Raistlin, shaking his head. "Tsk tsk tsk."

Raistlin bitch-slapped Sturm exactly the way they do on TV.

"Dude, what's TV?" Tas asked Tawny.

"Something evil." Tawny replied.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed everyone except Tas and Tawny. "IT'S THE INSANE CRAZY LOONY KENDER DUDE! RUN AWAYYYYYYYYYYY!"

Everyone ran away.

Tawny and Tas stared at each other.

"Any idea of what that was about?" Tawny asked.

"Nope."

"Ya wanna sing Mickey Mouse songs?"

"Why not?"

Tas and Tawny sang Mickey Mouse songs, totally terrifying everyone within hearing radius.

* * *

By this time, the sun was hiiiiiiiiiiigh in the sky, and dudes, it was HOT. 

So hot if made all the townsfolk come out and get a cup of water . . .

. . . from the well . . .

And we all know what's inside the well . . .

**DUH DUH DUH**.

* * *

_Cliffhanger!_

_Next chapter: dancing alvocados and parrots who swear like dwarves! Also meet the one-and-only Merribell Shamrock, who is unlike ANY Kender you've ever met before!_

_Review! Please!_


	13. More Stuff, Just Read The Title

_Disclaimer: ya know, on a Fanfiction site, why do we even need these? O.o I own nothing, kay?_

_Please read, I hope you like it!_

_Another Chapter Ten!_

_Orange Ghosties, The Quest for Raistlin's Breath, Palmer's New Friend, and A Cliffhanger._

_When we left our companions, they had been (temporarily) returned to normal, Kit was wearing nothing but a piar of shorts and a tanktop simply because she ripped off her awful dress, Kit, Tanis, Sturm, and Tas all had face-paints on, Sturm was still in the bunny suit, they were all running madly away in separate directions, and Tas and Tawny, taking no notice whatsoever of the fleeing companions, were skipping in circles and terrifying everyone within hearing radius with their shrill continuous voices singing "Minkey-Mouse, Mickey-Mouse!"_

_Which is exactly why no one took any notice of the ghost sitting in the tree._

_You all remember that the companions were tied (upside-down) to a tree, and that Solace was tranpled by rampaging chickens. Well, the tree to which the companions were tied (up-side down to) was still intact, and now there was a ghost sitting in it._

_The ghost was bright orange, with childishly drawn pictures of dancing alvocados painted onto it. A big, blue mouth was colored onto it, and the ghost looked suspiciously like someone wearing a big sheet with eyeholes cut in it, with brightpurple circles around the eyeholes. Through the eyeholes peaked a pair of big, brown, suspiciously kenderlike eyes._

_And the whole thing was doused in glitter._

_The first hint that the skipping-and-singing Tawny Tas noticed the ghostie was the glitter showering them as they skipped and sang._

_Tawny, finally a bit annoyed with getting glitter in her eyes, stopped her skipping and singing and looked around for the source of it. She looked down, up, straight, right, left, and for no paticular reason she leaned her head sideways so that her ear touched her shoulder, then proceded to do it again with the opposite ear. Then she looked up again and noticed the ghost._

_"Oh, hi!" Tawny, oblivious to the coming horror, sang out joyfully._

_In response, the ghost childishly cleared its throte (spellcheck) and began to sing in a high, slightly shrill, off-key voice:_

_"Where is all the world_

_When you need it most?_

_Where is all the world_

_Stretching from coast to coast?_

_Where is all the world_

_When you can't bring yourself to smile._

_Where is all the world_

_When you want to be alone a while?"_

_Since the ghost had sung this all with one breath, she/he/it/whatever had to pause to regain it (the breath, not the ghostie) again, then suddenly shrieked in a very Kenderlike voice, "WEIRDNESS RULES UNDISPUTED, CROWNED IN INSANITY!"_

_Stunned silence insued._

_"Heavy." Tas remarked slowly. Tawny nodded, topknot bobbing._

_The ghost paused a minute. "Would you by any chance happen to know a guy named Willy Wonka?"_

_"Ummm . . . nope." Tas replied gaily._

_Tawny thought, then burst out, "I do! At least, I might. I remember a dude who said his name was Willy Wonka-he had a big purple hat-handed me a golden ticket and told me to give it to the next idiot I found. Well, I met this dwarf, and I didn't really know how to tell one idiot from the next, so I just gave it to him, along with Nothing. He got all mad for some reason." Tawny sighed and shook her head solemnly at the corruption of the world._

_The ghost paused to listen to Tawny, and to observe the shaking of heads, then suddenly burst out singing "Ballroom Blitz" at the top of her lungs._

_Tas looked at Tawny. Tawny looked at Tas. It wasn't as if they had anything better to do._

_They simply planted their hoopaks into the ground at a slight angle and jumped around them, joining the orange ghostie in belting out "Ballroom Blitz"._

_BACK TO THE OTHER CHARACTERS: _

_" . . . I . . . " pant ". . . think . . . " wheeze ". . . we . . . " gasp " . . . lost . . . " choke " . . . them." Raistlin panted, wheezed, gasped, and choked, all at one and in the same sentence._

_"What did you say?" Caramon asked._

_They had ran into the woods and were crouched behind a tree, Raistlin clutching his side, Caramon breathing hard._

_" . . . I . . . said . . . I . . . think we . . . lost . . . them . . . " Raistlin repeated._

_"Huh?"_

_" I said, I think we lost them." Raistlin had pretty much regained his lost breath by now._

_"What?"_

_"I SAID I THINK WE FRIGGIN' LOST THEM!" Raistlin screamed in rage, then prompty lost his breath again._

_"Oh no! Raist lost his breath . . . frist Spongebob loses his episode, then the Teen Titans do, then I lost my bunny . . . why is the world so cruel?" Caramon sobbed._

_Raistlin shook his head, very annoyed at this point. "I'm OK, I just lost my breath-"_

_"NO! Raist lost his breath!" Caramon cried. A strange light lept into his eyes. "I'll go on a quest to find it!"_

_"No, Caramon, wait!"_

_BWAM!_

_" . . . there's a damn tree there . . . O to the Abyss with ye . . . "_

_Raistlin sighed as he watched Caramon run off, bouncing into trees as he went, to rescue his twin's breath._

_"Y'know, in the books he's not really THIS stupid." he muttered, knowing the authoress could hear._

_His only answer was sweet, maniacal laughter._

_"Hey, that rhymed!"_

_You all may be wondering what Flint was doing while all this was going on. As you recall, Flint was captured by the companions because he was scaring little children and tied up in the Inn of the Last Home. Asleep. _

_Flint was happily snoring away, dreaming of territorial parrots and dancing alvocados and never-ending mugs of dwarf spirits, among other things._

_And no one was taking any notice of him._

_. . . or were they?_

_"My, that's an awful lot of stairs. How am I going to get all the way up there?" Palmer, coming to the Inn of the Last Home, asked herself. "Hmm, should I skip up the stairs, should I bounce like a bunny wabbit, should I spin or should I run?" _

_She debated silently with herself, then came to the conclusion of, "I know! I'll do all three!"_

_First, she dug in her pouch for some fruit, and came up with a banana and an alvocado. Placing the banana in her right hand and the alvocado in herleft, she then proceded to skip, bounce,spin, and run up thestairs._

_She got there breathless and feely dizzy and light-headed, and perfectly happy. Grinning a grin that looked suspiciously like Tawny's maniacal grin, the kendermaid stumbled into the Inn, laughing._

_When she had calmed down a little, she noticed a poor dwarf enclothed in netting and snoring away. Goingup to him, she looked around._

_"Who lost their dwarf?"she called.A few people stared at her, but she only shrugged and ignored them.Going up to the dwarf,shefelt a twinge. Poor little dwarfie, all tied up on a beautiful day like this. . . o the cruelty of the world . . . whatever should she do._

_"I know!" Palmercried as the idea struck her. Picking herself off the floor, she skipped up to the dwarfie and, finding a little knife in her pocket(it must have fallen in) she cut the dwarf free, tugging away the netting._

_Her eyes went wide at the sight of the dwarf's clothes, but Palmer had grown up withher eccentric sistersTawny and Merribell, and she had seen this kinda stuff before. She noticed that the dwarf was still sleeping. She didn't want to disturb him._

_So she sat on the table and proceded to sing the words"LaLa" at the top of her lungs._

_"Oh, lalalalalalalalalalalalala!"_

_In his sleep, Flint twitched._

_"lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!"_

_Flint twitched again._

_"LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA!"_

_Flint screamed and lept to his feet, clapping his hands over his ears. "NOOOO! STOP IT! IT BURNS!"_

_Palmer, along with everyone in the Inn, stared at the dwarf._

_"Lala . . . " Palmer continued, just to see what Flint would do._

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"_

_(Yeah, that was Flint)_

_Flint ran to the table, broke the window, climbed through, climbed and huddled on the roof, muttering, "No more lala mommy, no more lala mommy, no more lala mommy . . . "_

_Palmer looked innocently at the rest of the patrons, then climbed on teh table and stuck her head out the window, craning her neck to see the traumatized dwarf. "Lala?" she asked innocently._

_Flint twitched. "No more lala!"_

_"No lala?"_

_"No lala."_

_"Awww . . . " Palmer was downcast for a minute, then perked up. "I'm Palmer Shamrock, what's your name."_

_Flint, with a crazy gleam in his eye, said seriously, "Britney Something."_

_"Britney . . . " Palmer decided not to ask. "Hullo Britney."_

_In response, the still-under-the-insane-effects-of-the-Moon-Loon-powder dwarf started singing "Sisi."_

_Palmer climbed onto the roof with her new best friend, shrugged, plunked herself down, and joined him._

_"Sisisisisisisisisisisisisisisisisisisisisi!"_

_The people in the Inn looked at eachother, shrugged, and returned to their meal._

_By this time, it was hot at mid-afternoon. Really really hot. _

_And their was only one well in Solace._

_Everyone in Solace, except the smart people who were presently getting drunk off their asses in the Inn, gathered around the well. A little girl named Janka took a mouthful of water. . ._

_and we all know what's in the water . . ._

_"Hey, this is good!"_

_Pretty soon, all of Solace (Ok, not ALL of Solace, but a whole bunch of people) had drank a LOT of Moon-Loonized water._

_O dear, what gonna happen now?_

_Sorry sorry sorry It's taken sooooooooooooo long to update, I had a lot of things to do and the durned computer crashed._ _Thank you patient people!_

_Please review!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. And I don't own the song. _

_Yes I am aware that people act severly OUT OF CHARACTER! Pointing this out may very well cost you your neck._

_Enjoy, please._


	14. Wouldn't you know it, stuff!

_Disclaimer: own nothing._

**Wouldn't You Know It, Another Chapter Ten! **

**Sour Skittles And Recessified Kendegardener Stampede!**

Up on the rooftop of the Inn, Palmer and Flint were enjoying themselves imensely.

"_Anananananananana!"_

Here Palmer paused to play air-guitar on her hoopak while singing "duh duh duh-duh duh-duh!"

_"Kikikiki!-"_ Flint sang in his horrid voice.

_"a duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh"_ Palmer chimed in.

_"Sididididididi."_ Flint continued.

_"Sunununununun,"_ Palmer cut in, singing more than a little off-key.

_"Bwanananana!"_ They both finished, then burst into laughter.

It was a wonder that no one noticed them.

Back down on the ground, we left Tas, Tawny, and an orange ghostie singing 'Ballroom Blitz' at the top of their lungs. Actually, by this time they'd finished and had run through the whole song twice.

The Orange Ghost was the one to break the breathless silence.

"Never give sugar or caffeine to your koala, it ALWAYS ends badly." the ghost remarked seriously.

Silence insued.

"How?" Tas asked curiously, glancing up at the ghost.

"Do you want to know?" the Ghost asked.

"Um, sure."

"Do you really want to know?"

"Uh . . . yeah, sure."

"Do you really, really want to know?"

"Yes . . . "

"Do you _really, really_ want to know?"

"Yes."

"Do you _really, really, really _to know?"

"Yes!"

"Do you _really, really, really, REALLY_ want to know?"

"YES!"

The ghost blinked. "Wow, I've never met someone who _really, really, really, REALLY _wanted to know why you never give sugar or caffine to a koala."

"Wow, really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Cool." Tas blinked. "So what does happen when you give caffine or sugar to a koala?"

"Some things are better left unsaid." The ghost said mysteriously, winking. "I'll leave it to your imagination."

After the really big crowd of people - almost everyone in Solace - took a drink of Tawny's flavored water, they began to have strange urges.

Urge One: go home and dress in Native American-style clothes.

Urge Two: paint face with colorful paints.

Urge Three: find candy and devour it.

In search for candy, this new Kendegardeners (adults and children alike) formed a group that would be ever known as The Indians of theOctagonal Table! And they all began the Quest for the Holy Candypot.

It was very interesting to watch.

Unfortunately for our companions, these Kendegardeners (how do you spell this word?) now saw everyone else on the planet Krynn as a threat to their Sacred Candy.

How in the name of Sour Skittles could that be tolerated?

"Kit . . . I think there's a problem."

Tanis, Kitiara, and Sturm were collapsed against a tree, which gave them a good view of the dancing figures of Indianified Kendegardeners. Only these three didn't know it was Indianified Kendegardeners. Curse the buz of mosquitos.

"Ouch! Curse the damn mosquitos themselves!" Kit slapped at her leg.

"Squash." Sturm observed.

"Shush!" Tanis shushed them both, and crept closer. "I think I hear something . . . "

There was a rustle in the woods, a very loud rustle.

"I hear a very loud rustle." Tanis muttured. bringing his face closer to the bush.

rustle rustle the bushes rustled.

"What's doing that?"

rustle rustle the bushes said.

"Huh?"

rustle rustle.

OK, who's doing that?"

RUSTLE RUSTLE! the bushes screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Screaming bushes! RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!" Tanis shrieked, and he lept into a tree.

"Oh, Tanis, don't be silly . . . " Sturm the Giant Bunnyleaned closer. "There's nothing mysterious in the bushes."

To prove his point, Sturm parted the bushes. Neither Tanis nor Kitiara could see into the bushes, so they waited.

They didn't have to wait long.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Sturm screamed. Using his Ultra-Rabbity Bunny Springs, Sturm jumped into the tree with Tanis.

"What did you see?" Kitiara asked.

Sturm didn't answer.

Kitiara peaked into the bushes . . . and came face-to-face with Caramon.

"CARAMON!" she shrieked.

"Oh . . . hi!" Caramon skipped into the clearing. "Why'd you run up into the tree, Sturm?"

Sturm's face took ona funny look. "I am no longer Sturm."

"You aren't?" Caramon, Tanis, and Kitiara asked.

"No . . . I am . . ._ BUNNYMAN_! BEHOLD MY BUNNY-NESS!" Sturm began to laugh maniacally.

Raistlin, having come up behind Caramon, ran screaming in the opposite direction.

Kitiara blinked. "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight."

Caramon looked at Tanis, then twirled his finger beside his ear.

Tanis peered at Sturm and said, in a worried tone, "Sturm? Have you been eating paste again?"

Sturm's eyes went wide. "Me? Eat paste? Me eat paste? No. . . me no eat paste . . . ME NO EAT PASTE!"

"Okayyyyyyyyyyyyy . . . Sturm's gone physcho." Kit said, backing away.

"So, Caramon, why are you here?" Tanis asked.

"I'm on a quest for Raistlin's breath! He lost it, you see. But don't say that to Raist, because he keeps rolling his eyes. I don't know why he does that. And anyway, Tanis, why are you here?"

Tanis's face went pale. "Why am I here? Why are any of us here? What's the purpose of life? Why is there death? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHY THE HECK AM I HERE? Someone help meeeeeeee . . . I don't know why I'm here!" Tanis began to have hysterics.

Kitiara, sighing, half-turned to the rather annoying half-elf. "You are here because I need you to be my boy-toy! Now settle down."

"Yes Kitiara." Tanis calmed down.

Kit turned back to Caramon. "Where's Raist?" she asked casually.

Caramon's eyes went wide. "NOOOOOOOO! I lost Raist! Whyyyyyy?" Caramon plunked down on the ground and began to cry.

"Ooooooooooooooooooooookaaaaaayyy." Tanis said slowly.

"Uh . . . Caramon, why don't you try looking for Raistlin?" Kitiara suggested.

"That's a good idea! WIIIIIIIILMAAAAAA!" Caramon yelled Fred-style.

"Um, Caramon, don't you mean Raistlin?" Sturm asked.

"Oh, yeah. RAAAAIST-LIN!" Caramon ran off in search of Wilma, um, er, Raistlin.

After many hours of searching, Caramon finally found his twin hiding beneath the bush, trembling with terror.

"Hey, Wilma, I found you!" Caramon laughed. Suddenly he stopped. "Raist, why are you under there?"

Raistlin shuddered. "Bunnies . . . " he hissed, clawing at the air. "Eeeeeevvviiiiiiiiiilll."

Caramon stared for a minute. "Ooooookaaaaayy."

Raistlin glared at his twin. "Aren't you on a quest for my breath or something?"

"Oh, yeah! Sorry Raist, be back soon!"with that, Caramon rode off into the sunset on a big horse, waving a cowboy hat.

"Ummm . . . " Raistlin watched Caramon leave, than shook his head. Some things are best if left alone.

MEANWHILE

"They know where candy is!" a Kendegardener pointed towards the group.

"OOH! Look! Easter Bunny!" cried another Kendegardener. (I'm sorry, I just don't know how to spell this word)

"Easter Bunny have big candy!" three cried in usion.

"GET CANDY!" cried the leader.

"GET CANDY! GET BUNNY!" everyone else screamed.

And ran.

"Hey . . . Tanis, what's that?" Kit asked.

"Um . . . it appears to be a stampeding herd of kendegardeners, Kit."

"Oh."

"Wait . . . "

"A STAMPEDING HERD OF KENDEGARDENERS?"

"What are kendegardeners?"

"I don't know . . . whatever they are, what are they shouting?"

"Uh . . . something along the lines of 'get bunny'."

"Oh . . . do they want Sturm?"

"I think so."

Both Tanis and Kit eyed Sturm, Bunnyman, who began to back away.

"AAH! NO TIME! RUNN!"

All three ran as the kendegardeners stampeded into the clearing, completely leveling it.

"Sacrifice Sturm!" Screamed Kit, and she and Tanis tossed Bunnyman to the bunny-hunting kendegardeners.

"AAAH! SOME FRIENDS YOU ARE!" Sturm screamed.

Thus Tanis and Kitiara escaped while Sturm got tossed to the kendegardeners.

Two minutes later . . .

"I feel bad." Tanis whined to Kit, observing the kendegardeners form afar.

Kitiara shushed him. "I don't."

"I doooooo . . . whe are such bad friends . . . WHY'D WE DO IT KIT? WHY?" Tanis burst into tears.

Kitiara sighed. "Well, what can we do about it?"

Tanis perked up. "We can rescue him!"

"ARE YOU NUTS!" Kitiara screamed.

Tanis's face crumpeled.

"Fine . . . if we rescue Sturm, will you stop this?"

"Rescue Sturm!" Tanis reminded her, skipping up.

Thus the two went off to rescue Sturm.

hehe . . . I was caffinated when I wrote this . . . do you like it?

Please please PLEASE review! Please tell me what you think! Any ideas, things you want to see in the next chapter? Should Kit and Tanis rescue Sturm or should they all get caught? What do you think?

PLEASE review.

Thank you!


	15. Hehe

_Disclaimer: Oh, you know this already, this is like, the pinapple chapter or something?_

_The song's by me. _

Chapter Pinapple

Hehe . . .

You all remember the crazed chickens from a previous chapter, riiiiiight?

(Say yes or be sacrificed to the Evil Chicken God)

YES! You see, you DO remember them!

(Well, wasn't that predictable)

Wait a minute . . .

(Minute's ticking)

. . . who are you?

(Tick tock tick tock tick tock)

What?

(Imitates very annoying clock ticking)

Wasn't that what you did last time?

(Tickety tock)

Umm . . . well . . .

(Well what?)

Who are you?

(That's a good question . . . I'll have to think about that one . . . )

Okay . . . so, um, BACK TO OUR CHARACTERS . . .

(Silence)

Aren't you gonna say something?

(More silence)

Well?

(Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeence)

. . . weird . . . but who cares, we all are.

(Yup.)

You talked!

(Oh, just get to the characters already, two of them are staring at us right now!)

They are?

(Yes.)

They are?

(Read my last answer.)

They are?

(Oh, for jeez sake, look down, will ya!)

Oh . . . they are . . .

(Sigh)

Hey!

(Cha cha cha)

Below the two arguing voices, sitting calmly on the roof (Ok, not calmly, but you get the picture) (Will you shut up already?) both Palmer and Flint were staring upwards. All they could see was a skinny girl arguing with air.

Well, it LOOKED like she was arguing with air. She could be arguing with a ghost, or an invisible alvocado, or a nonexistant hat. You never know, do you?

"Umm . . . " Palmer began.

"Leave it," Flint advised. "Some things are just not meant to be discussed.

"Like why a tomato is a vegable when it actually is a fruit but a whole bunch of people call it a vegable despite the fact that a tomato is actually a fruit . . . "

? 

"Hey! Two lines! Cool!"

"There's only one line, Tanis!"

"But origionally there was two! Where'd the second one go?"

"Little blue gremlins took it. Go figure."

Tanis and Kitiara were staring at the place where the second line had been until the little blue gremlins stole it, completely ignoring the fact that the Evil Twisted Demented Kindegardeners (I found out how to spell that word! Yayy!) were presently tying Sturm to the mast with twizzlers.

"How can you tie someone up with twizzlers?" Tanis asked, looking very confuzzled. (Thanks Del)

"Because it's been magically enhanced so it tastes like iron, is just as tough to break, but bends and tied really really easily." Kitiara informed him.

"How do you know?"

"Little blue gremlins told me. Actually, it's the same one that just stole the second line."

"Oh . . . we're supposed to be staring at that, right?"

"Yep. We better get on it before the authors come back."

"Authors? I though there was only one . . . now I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm confuzzled! I'm-"

SLAP!

Kitiara withdrew her hand from Tanis's lips. "There are two authors but they represent one author. One is the author's insane-but-wise side, the other is her insane-but-totally-screwed-and-out-of-wack side."

"Oh . . . which is which?" Tanis, calming down, asked.

Kitiara eyes him. "Do you really want to know?"

Tanis glanced at the sky, then turned back to the space where the second line was.

"Aren't we supposed to be rescuing Sturm?"

"In a minute. This is way to interesting."

Kit decided not to ask.

Bunnies are evil.

Palmer and Flint (Palmer had finally shut her trap) were quietly staring at the still-arguing authoress. Of course, they didn't notice the cloud of dust rising in the distance . . .

(How dramatic)

Will you shut up?

(Make me!)

Palmer shrugged and began air-guitaring again. Arguing with yourself can be fun, and watching someone else argue with themself can be fun, but only for about 3 nanoseconds, and she was . . .

(Duh duh duh)

. . . bored.

"_Dancing by my window, late at night_

_Unable to see past my blinded sight_

_Oh, moonlight can shine so very bright_

_But how can it make my dark world light?"_

Palmer began strumming as swaying slightly, singing loudly. Flint shivered. The two arguing voices (both the girl and the whatever) stopped and watched.

"_Explain that to me_

_And tell me why I'm not happy_

_Can you even see_

_All I really have is me?"_

Palmer swayed more, her head tilted and singing. Flint, the girl, and the nonexistant hat/invisible alvocado/ghost/thingy clutched their ears. Technically, a nonexistanthat/invisible alvocado/ghost cannot clutch its ears, but, because of the added parakeets to the forest, it can.

Go figure.

"_So away, away, away _

_I'll dance_

_By my window,_

_And sway, sway, sway_

_Bend the world by sheer chance_

_And lo,_

_I can seeeeeeeee meeeeeeeeeee."_

Palmer swayed hard and strummed furiously, her voice rising as she belted her kender heart out. Her shrill voice penetrated the palms of those clutching their ears and dazed Palmer's companions.

"And lo,

I can seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Flint, the girl, the nonexistand hat/invisible alvocado/ghost, and just about everyone else within the Inn collapsed, completely unconsience.

Palmer stared around. They had fallen asleep during her wonderful singing.

Oh, how rude.

Tut tut.

They needed to be taught some manners.

Grinning despite the anger flaming her cheeks, Palmer pulled the cap of her green permanet marker. She'd seen this on a TV show once. Approaching Flint's make-uped dwarf face, she raised her arm . . .

When she finished with her business on the roof, she skipped back through the window and preceeded to teach all the knocked-out patrons some serious manners. All in lime green permanent ink . . .

hehe.

"Ooh! Ooh!" Tanis cried, pointing. "I think I found the missing second line!"

"You _did_?" Kitiara exclaimed.

"Yes."

Both stared enraptured at the second line . . .

. . . ten minutes later . . .

. . . twenty minutes later . . .

. . . thirty minutes later . . .

"Oh, screw you!" the girl who had awakened herself but not her other self from being knocked out by Palmer's Very Bad Singing shrieked, stomping over. Grabbing both characters by the throat, she turned them around to face the Wild Kindegardener Camp. The Wild Kindegardeners were, you see, preparing one of those stick thingys where you turn the stick over the fire and roast it . . . hasn't anyone ever watched this on TV?

. . . no? . . .

Sigh.

"Hey, aren't we supposed to be doing something?" Kitiara asked after a minute or so of staring at the Wild Kindegardeners and Bunnyman.

The girl, sighing, picked up two long sticks and proceeded to poke both of them in the backs.

. . . two minutes later . . .

"Hey, why are you doing that?" Tanis asked, craning his neck to see. Trying to would be more the point.

"Poke poke poke." was his answer.

"Huh?"

"Poke."

"Huh?"

"Poke."

"Huh?"

"Poke."

"Huh?"

"Poke."

"Huh?"

"Poke."

"Huh?"

"Poke."

"Huh?"

"Poke."

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" A blue gremlin, unable to take this anymore, screamed.

"Pokity." the girl stopped poking Margaret Weis's characters and leaned forward. "You're supposed ot be doing something, riiiiiiiiight?"

"Um, yeah, sure." Tanis replied.

"But you aren't doing it, riiiiiiiiiiiiight?"

"Uh . . . no?"

"So do you think you should go do it?"

"Um . . . " Kitiara paused to think.

Tanis paused to think.

(YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE RESCUING STURM!) the nonexistant hat/ghost/invisible alvocado/thingy shrieked.

"Ohhhhhhh . . . " Kitiara nodded.

Both authoresses waited expectantly.

"What do you expect us to do?" Tanis finally asked after several moments of being looked at expectantly.

The girl and GIANHT (Ghost/invisible alvocado/nonexistant hat/thingy) both cursed and, using Authorly Powers, flung Kitiara and Tanis straight into the Kindegardener's midst.

. . . A nanosecond later . . .

"Well, this sucks." Tanis grumbled as he stared glumly at the magical Twizzlers binding him and Kitiara to the same pole as Bunnyman, er, Sturm.

(That was stupid)

You did it too.

(I meant shoving those too smack into the middle of those Wild Kindegardeners, not drinking all those cokes before we began this story)

Yeah, both were kinda stupid.

(Ya think they'll get out of this one?)

Nope.

(No chance whatsoever)

Ya want another coke? I added extra caffine.

(Sure)

Palmer emerged from the Inn smiling brightly and skipping gaily, her tie-died hair fluttering in the wind. She stopped to cap the marker and stick it back into her pocket. She went to the edge of the railing and peered downward. Thus, since she was looking down, she didn't see the GIANHT swoop over her and fling down a flute thingy.

Bonk.

"Hey!" Palmer snatched the flute thingy and looked at this. "This seems familiar . . . hey, doesn't this belong to Harry Potter?"

(Duh. It's shaped like an owl.)

"How did you get it?" Palmer asked, admiring the handiwork. Unique indeed.

(Well, think about it: has this little beauty appeared ANYWHERE after the first book?)

"No . . . " Palmer considered. "Nope."

(Let's just Harry left it lying around and we borrowed it, made some changes, and dropped it on your head.)

"Oh. Ok."

(Why don't cha blow it?)

"OK!" Palmer grinned and tuted the owl flute thingy. It sounded incredibly like an owl. She tried it out a little, then grinned, and proceeded to play the tune for 'The Chicken Dance.'

GIANHT flew away, cackling.

YOU DID WHAT?

(I only gave her the flute. As a present. I like her)

This wouldn't happen to be the one that we charmed so that it summons Moon Loon crazed chickens, now would it?

(No . . . )

You are so screwed.

Palmer danced as she played, laughing. She did it surprisingly well.

So well that she failed to notice the cloud of dust rising in the distance . . .

"What's that?" she asked herself, skipping up to the other side and peering out. As she did, the wind blew across her slender frame, sending a few pouches tumbling to the floor. Various rings, pieces of paper, pencils, spoons, and other things scattered across the floor, along with a little pile of purple-pinky powder than poured from a pouch made entirely of sequins . . .

Kneeling down, she leaned over to pick up her stuff when a stray breeze flew across the floor, sending purple-pinky powder straight into Palmer's face. She blinked and sucked in a breath, then coughed and swallowed. Brushing the rest of the powder off her face, she paused to lick her fingers. The powder tasted good.

The bag spilled out more, and another breezed flung it too the air, wafting straight into the faces of three companions who were presently tied up with Twizzlers.

I don't think I have to remind you guys of what this means.

_

* * *

The girl and the hat, though based on me, are MY CHARACTERS! _

hehe . . . look for the next chapter soon . . . I'll give you a clue: chicky minions.

Please review!


	16. My Chicky Minions

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, I own nothing, isn't that something, what a stupid poem . . . _

_REVIEWS! (screams in joy) Wa-hoo! (insert smiley face here) I thought you guys were NEVER going to review . . . _

_Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for all the reviews, I love them all . . . hehe . . . (hugs self)_

_As you can see, I'm in a very . . . umm . . . happy . . . mood. Yeah. Anyway, **I'd like to thank the wonderful marvellous awesome fantastic Kyra Skye for giving me the idea for this chapter** (chicky)! **YOU ROCK!**_

_As to Blossum, who knows exactly who she is, I have no idea why I put the ghost/invisible avocado (THAT'S how you spell that word)/nonexistant hat in the previous chapter. The answer? I guess I just wanted to do it . . . . . . . _

_Yeah . . . _

_So, to those who haven't shrieked 'shoot you!' and scrolled down to the insane part, thus not reading this right now, if you want more on Tawny I wrote a poem (actually it's a song) entitled 'Tawny Goes To Hogwarts', which is a chapter in Harry Potter Poetry. That song should only be sung by Kender, the insane, and the hyperactive and/or caffinated. Since we all fit into those catagories, screw this and read!_

_Whoa, this is long . . . and this chapter is supposed to be short . . . _

_Thanks for reading, enjoy the insanity!_

**Chapter Sixteen! No Longer Ten but SIXTEEN! Yayyyyyyyyy!**

**(Shut UP already!)**

**Ahem . . . **

**My Chicky Minions**

**(CHICKY!)**

Palmerblinked. Suddenly, her vision had inexplicibly been tinted . . . pink. No, not pink-purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No, purple. No, pink. No-

"IT TURNED PURPLE-PINK ALREADY!" A blue gremlin shrieked, tearing at it's blue hair in frusteration. Little blue gremlins, as you can see, have very short tolerence levels.

But Palmer was not listening. Cramming her valuables into her pouches, she staggered to her feet, swaying drunkenly and giggling. Shoving her long, multi-colored hair out of her face, she jumped onto the railing of the stairs and fung up her hands.

"My minions approach! TEHEE!" she screehed. The sleeping, markered patrons in the Inn jumped to their feet and clutched their ears, faces screwed up in agony.

The Little Blue Gremlin sighed and hopped up with the crazed kendermaid, shaking his head. He looked where she was looking, and he saw . . .

Chickens. A big, big herd of rampaging, running, wild, crazed, Moon-Loonerized chickens, approaching . . .

"What the heck!" The LBG shrieked.

"They answer my summons!" cried Palmer, flinging up her arms. "Behold-my chicky minions!"

The chickens lined up under her and stared. "Bwa-booook?" one asked.

"MY MINIONS! MY CHICKY MINIONS!" Palmer cried. The chickens . . . bwa-boooked.

Yeah.

OK . . .

Sure.

_Back_ to the story:

"My minions, join me in my quest for . . . the holy Spoon of Human Sanity Annihilating!" Palmer declared. "Chickens rule!"

(Suddenly, out of nowhere, the music to the Chicken Dance begins to play . . . very loudly . . . )

"Chick-ky!" cried Palmer, begining to do the Horrible Dreaded Chicken Dance. "Chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, chick-ky, CHICKY!"

All the chickens began to cluck in rhythm with their insane mistress, and they all began to do . . .

. . . that's right, ladies and gents, take a guess . . .

The chicken dance.

O, the horror! The chickeny horror!

(Insert Darth Vader music here)

_So_, now we have a bunch of chanting, dancing chickens and a kender on a quest for the Holy Spoon of Human Sanity Annihilating! (it works on dwarves, elves, and orcs, too) while some very crazy music blares from some unknown place . . .

Wow, what whacko wrote this?

. . . wait . . .

Oh, yeah . . .

While the authoress was talking to herself and not paying a shred of attention to her characters, Palmer grabbed her hoopak and raised it into the air.

"We are the chickys!" she screamed. "no longer the food for a human table. WE WILL NOT BE PUT DOWN! WE WILL REBEL! WE ARE THE CHICKYS!"

All the chickens: "Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky! Chick-ky!"

Sort of makes you wonder how chickens learned to talk, doesn't it?

_duh duh duh-duh duhduh, duh duh duh-duh duhduh, duh duh duh-duh duhduh, CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP, duh duh duh-duh duhduh, duh duh duh-duh duhduh, duh duh duh-duh duhduh, CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP,_ went the music, blaring from some unknown source as the chickens and their kender mistress chanted and danced.

"Come, my chicky minions! Away we go, on out holy quest! And on the way, we will drive random people insane!" Palmer waved her hoopak around, than jumped off the railing. Flying squirrels caught her and bore to her the ground: there, waving her hoopak and still dancing and chanting, she and her chicky minions rampaged out the clearing and into the woods . . . which were twigs in mere seconds.

And awat went Palmer Shamrock and her chicky minions.

* * *

_Sorry for the shortness, hoped you liked! The mental images I had while writing this . . . hehe . . . _

_Anyway, thanks to all who review! And check your chicken before you eat it . . . it might have purple-pink powder in it . . . _

_Anyway, again, review! Please!_


	17. A Letter, A Kender, and Star Wars Ripoff...

_Disclaimer: Meesa no own anyting! Meesa do own Tawny, Palmer, and Merribell! Please don't hurt meesa!_

_This is what watching too much of Jar Jar Blinks can do to you . . . _

_Enough chitchat, on with the show, and meesa hope you enjoy!_

**Chapter Seventeen.**

**A Letter, A Kender, Star Wars Rip-offs, etc.**

"CHICKY MINIONS ROCK!"

Tawny, Tas, and the Orange Ghostie Which Was Described To You Earlier turned and stared at the spectactle of the rampagining chickens and their crazed mistress with amused and curious expressions.

"Wow." was all Tawny could offer.

"Oookaaayyyyyy . . . " Tas murmered.

"Interesting." the Ghostie added.

This time Tawny turned around tolook up at the Ghostie, who was now sitting again in the tree. "You know, you remind me of someone."

"I do?"

"Yeah, you do."

The ghost nodded."I guess I do."

"You know, if you took off that sheet, I could see your face and I could tell whether or not I know you . . . or not . . . "

"Interesting usage of grammer. OK. What harm could it do?"

Reaching up, the Ghostie yanked of the sheet and flung it sideways.

Tas and Tawny stared.

That was all they could do.

Up in the tree sat quite an unusual kender. She-yes, weknow for certain that it is a she (how do we know? Don't ask us that!)-was dressed, from head to toe, in black. Black shirt, black vest, black pants, black leather shoes, even black pouches. And allher body-clothes, hair, shoes-was covered in sparkles.

Yes, rabies and germs, sparkles. And we mean _covered._She had takentiny green sparkles and blue sparkles andred and silver and orange and brown and yellow and purple and gold and umber and all the possible colors of the rainbow sparkles and simply dumped them over herself. They glittered in her brown hair,sprinkled her pale skin,settledon her brown eyebrows and lashes, and dotted her clothing likelittle stars in every possible color against a warm blacksky.

"Ohh . . . now, remember you I do." Tawny answered mysteriously.

"You do?" the kender asked equally mysteriously."

"What is your name?"

"Merribell. Merribell Shamrock."

"Ah." a pause. "Obeewon Kennobee never told you what happened to your elder sister, did he?"

"He told me enough!" Merribell shouted, tears in her eyes. "He told me you drove her insane!"

"No." another pause. "I . . . am your sister."

Silence.

"No! NO! That can't be true! That isn't true! THAT IS NOT TRUE!" Merribell screamed dramatically, clutching the branch.

"Search your feelings. You know it to be true!" Tawny declared, waving her arms equally dramatically.

"No! No! N-oh, heck, you are my elder sister, aren't you?"

"Yup."

"Well, good to meet you, Tawny!" Merribell hopped down from her perch in the tree, promptly crashed into the ground, picked herself up (leaving a cloud of sparkles in the air) and shook Tawny's hand.

"Jeez, you two need to stop watching Star Wars." a passing little blue gremlin remarked.

"You better not let the authoress hear you." Tas glanced nervously around. "She loves SW, though, personally, Luke is no competition for Raistlin."

"Who?"

"Aw, shuddup." slurred Tawny, Texas style. "So, Merribell, what have you been doing for the past amount of time since I last saw you?"

"It's a really long tale. But first I have a letter that I must read. I found it carelessly on a desk in some room, after I unbounded and removed my gag and unlocked the closet that I was stuffed in - a mistake on that woman's part, I guess - I picked it up to give it to her on the way out. I haven't read it-it might be important. I guess I should read it, to see if it is important."

Both Tawny and Tas leaned forward to read the letter as Merribell opened it.

The letter went like thus:

_Dear Sir or Madam:_

_On May 1st I ordered a plastic garden gnome (yellow) from your company, Acquire-A-Fascinatingly-Idle-Garden-Accessory (AAFIGA). What I received instead of an idle, inanimate garden gnome was a quite animate, live Kender, who was anything but idle, on my doorstep that morning!_

_The Kender-she said her name was Merribell Shamrock-entered my home without my permission, went on a shopping spree on E-Bay, where she ordered many useless items (hourglass contact lenses and Moon Loon Powder among them), broke all the locks on my doors, tie-dyed all my white clothing (making a very large mess in the process), "borrowed" some very expensive jewelry, sprayed my walls with the fire extinguisher, engorged my bed with Coca-Cola, and caused a car crash by darting into the road._

_Not to mention that she wandered off to the mall, where she proceeded to not only jam all the escalators but also to relieve many stores and persons of their merchandise and valuables, sprayed stolen perfume on all the security camera lenses, shattered millions of dollars of glass with her shrill voice, and smothered the elevator with stolen honey and shaving cream!_

_To say nothing of wrapping much of the furniture in a wood shop with stolen toilet paper!  
AND she went around to innocent civilians banging two coconuts togetherand said some very random things, like "Bunnies with big, sharp, pointy teeth are trying to take over the world!", and "Dancing pineapples drove Darth Vader to the dark side."_

_When I arrived on the scene, she was lying to the mall security man about some stolen woman's panties that she was shamelessly displaying on her head._

_I am very displeased with this incident. Not only am I being sued by numerous businesses and people, I now owe E-Bay hundreds of dollars, plus all the damage done to my personal property. I expect you to pay for all these damages, including the medical bills of the three hospitalized men and for my ruined property. I also expect that my money concerning the garden gnome is returned, and that you will send a team of officials to take the Kender, who is presently bound and gagged and locked in the closet, plus I expect a lifetime supply of garden gnomes for my trouble._

_Sincerely,_

_Crysania of Taranius._

"You see?" Merribell asked, shaking her head as she rolled up the business letter. "I have no idea what I did wrong, and she tied me up!"

"How rude!" Tawny cried.

"The corruption of the world . . . " mourned Tas, shaking his own head.

* * *

_Yeah, meesa know it's short, but meesa felt that it should end on that line._

_WHOOHOOO! SIXTY REVIEWS! (does a happy dance while everyone looks on in a mixture of concern and terror) Whoohoo, whoohoo, whoohoo!_

_I'd like to thank everyone for their positive and entertaining reviews, I love them! Please review! Longer chapters coming, I promise . . . next chapter Dalamar makes an appearence!_


	18. Dally's Adventures in Shoelace Part One

_Disclaimer: I do not own DRAGONLANCE nor do I own any of Weis's and Hickman's characters, I'm not geniuses like them, despite my fantasies._

_Apology: As you can pretty much tell, I have all these characters wayyyyyy out of charater - Tanis the whiny brat, Kitiara . . . actually, Kit's good . . . Sturm the bunnyman . . . Caramon the complete dunce . . . Raistlin . . . .blah . . . . you get the picture!_

_BUT READ THIS:_

_Dalamar is a tricky character. If you do him wayyyyyyy out of character, thousands of Dalamar fans leap down your throat. So, please, like EVERYONE ELSE, Dalamar the Dark is OUT OF CHARACTER!_

_And, one more thing: I do not like, nor do I appove of, Dalamar and Raistlin pairings. I Just DO NOT like them. OK? Don't get me wrong - I'm fine with bisexuality - but the slightest HINT of Raistlin and Dalamar - together - makes my lunch threaten to show itself again. OK? No offense to those who like Dal/Raist - I may not like what you're saying but I'll defend with my life your right to say it - but I don't like even HINTS of that stuff._

_Now, onto the Show._

_And, in this thing, DALAMAR is a YOUNG ELF. Physically, he's younger than Raistlin, put it that way. And, yeah, by this time he's been tossed out of Silvanesti. Enough chatter, on with the story._

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.**

**Dally's Adventures In Shoelace.**

**(SOLACE! Jeez, you _people . . ._)**

**Part One.**

**And we object to being called people. We are evil people, not just people. Get it right.**

A little blue creature clambers atop a pile of blue dust. It looks like a cross between a little blue gremlin and a kender. In fact, it is. A Kenlim. It looks around, shrugs, and begins to talk:

"Palmer just ran off with her CHICKY MINIONS, Tawny met her long-lost (in Kender terms) sister, Merribell, while Kit, Tanis, and Sturm are tied to a tree (**again**) with magic twizzlers, Raistlin and Caramon are screwing around in the woods somewhere (Caramon's on the _quest_ for Raistlin's_ breath_) and Flint's snoozing on top of the roof, along with the patrons in the Inn, and they all have green permanet marker drawn on their faces. Plus, there are little blue gremlins wandering about stealing the second lines that split the paragraphs."

* * *

"See! There were two lines, now there's only one!

* * *

"aND ANYWAY - HEY, WHO TURNED ON THE SPELLCHECK? gRRRR . . . !

* * *

"That's better.

* * *

"Anyway: 

SOMEWHERE IN TARSIS:"

The kenlim ponders something, then abruptly diasappears.

The screen shifts from Solace to a picture of a chicken -

"CHICKY!" someone shrieked.

No, sorry, that's not right -

(Over the course of the next twenty minutes, screen shifts from a picture of a koala to a picture of a bunny with BIG SHARP POINTY TEETH, to a movie of some dancing pineapples, to a drum, to a spider on a leaf, to a bumblebee, to the underside of a butterfly, to a sponge named Bob, to a can of soda, to a blueumbrella, to someone's math homework, and to a bunch of other things not mentionedhere,until finally-)

**TELETUBBIES!**

_**NO**_! Not that! **ANYTHING** but that! Oh, the torture! CHANGE IT! Sorry, clicker, clicker, _clicker_ -

Dalamar the Dark, something-or-other of Tarsis, was sitting on a block doing absolutely nothing. In Tarsis.

Finally.

It was a lousy day: the sun shining, the birds chirping, the . . . oh for Nuitari's sake, get on with it!

Fine, fine. Jeez.

Anyway, here's everyone's favorite Dark Elf, DALLY! And he's just sitting here . . . all alone . . . or so he _thinks._

(**duh duh duh**!)

At least until, with a loud POP! and a flash of blue light, a girl appears next to him.

Yeah, you guys weren't expecting that, were you?

(Sarcasm killed the mage.)

Annnnnyyywayyyyy . . .

"Aaah!" cried Dally, nearing falling over. "Don't do that! Who are you? And don't call me Dally!" (this was after we censored it)

"OK." the girl sulked for a minute, before getting to her feet and grabbing Dally's arm. "C'mon. I was running from the Evil and Horrendous Torture with is the T-word-that-I-won't-say-here, and I need you, so c'mon. And watch out for the dancing pineapples, they're in legue with the evil bunnies with big sharp pointy teeth and the flying squirrels from Singapore."

"WHAT?"

"I said, c'mon! I have to get you to Solace before . . . before something happends."

"What's Shoelace? Dancing pineapples? Huh? And let go of my arm or I'll-"

"No, no, you won't." the girl stated matter-of-factly."Jeez, where are manners nowadays? Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk-"

"Why the hell are you tsk-tsking like that?" Dalamar finally snapped.

"EXUSE ME!" the girl paused and glared at the elf.

"What?" Dalamar asked in pure innocence.

"You know what! Don't inturrupt people while they're tsking, it can be taken as a threat, and when threatened I usually throw Moo Loon Powder."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NOOOOOOOOOO!"

And he's off, ladies and gents. What's the betting he'll get away . . . ?

The girl ran after Dally. Unfortunently for por Dalamar, in his panic he had run smack into the wall . . . does this seem familiar? Ouch, that must of hurt. Face-first, ladies and gents. By the time I've finished narratoring, the girl was waving a vial she 'borrowed' from Tika beneath his cute uncouncious elfy nosie.

When poor Dally came to, the girl was standing above him, hands on hips.

"Am I dead?" Dally murmured.

"Nope." was the cheerful reply.

"Oh, too bad."

"Say it politely."

"What?"

"Say. It. Politely."

"How random you are. Fine. It."

"No, elfy. Restate your question politely."

"ELFY? What the heck?"

"No, no, no, you-just restate the first question you asked me after you inturupted me like that. And do it politely."

"And why should I?"

"Because if you don't I'll hand you over to the (duh duh duh) LOVESICK MOB OF RABID FAN GIRLS!" The girl, whom you guys should recognize by now, declared wuth an evil laugh. "Bwahahahahahahahaha!"

"Noooooooooooooo! You evil person!" Dalamar wailed.

"Look who's talkin' "

"Ok, _ok _. . . Exuse me, ma'am, why are you tsk-tsking like that?" Dally droned.

"Good!" the girl smiled happily. "I was tsk-tsking like that 'cuz its fun. You should try it sometime. Just don't do it while I'm in the room. OK? Good! C'mon, let's go!"

"Wait--but--you--hey--"

They were already gone.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

With a _thunk, _both Dally and the girl fell from a Glowing Blue Portal In The Sky. Dally landed smack on his bum, while the girl landed lightly on her feet, gave her hat a spin, and walked smartly away.

"Hay is for horses, but better for cows." called the girl over her shoulder.

"Wait!" Dalamar yelled after the girl, who paused and turned back to him. "Where is here? Who are you? What in the X X am I supposed to do? And why the X are there exes in my dilagouge?"

"Solace, Raab, rescue three characters from a hord of (duh duh duh) HORRIBLE INSANE KINDEGARDENERS, and you're swearing so I censored, there are too many swears in here already." with that, she turned and walked away.

Dalamar stared. "I must have heard incorrectly." he mused, before drawing himself up and brushing off his robes. Sighing, he looked around. "Anyone know where I'm supposed to go?" he called sarcastically.

Instantly, a big sign with an arrow on it appeared, pointing to where the kindegardeners laired. With a resigned shrug, Dalamar started off.

* * *

The girl flopped down in her home, which consisted of a computer, a TV, some spellbooks, and a fridge. She turned the TV on and started typing.

* * *

Dalamar had to admit that he liked the idea of a big treehouse as a village. Shoelace or Solece or Saloice or whater the treehouse's name was had an air about it, though-maybe it was the sleeping people in the Inn (Dally noted that they had green skulls and roses drawn on their faces, as well as mustaches) and the complete absense of people in the homes . . . and the other people hiding in their attics. 

But what really took the cake was the dwarf.

Yes, the dwarf.

The Oracle Hath Spoken.

"LISTEN TO THE ORACLE!" a blue gremlin shrieked, jumping out from nowhere and seizing a shocked and unsuspecting Dally's shoulders. "YOU MUST LISTEN!" it shrieked wildly, then disappeared in a flash of, oddly, red smoke.

Dalamar coughed and stared at the place where the little blue . . . thingy . . . had been in surprise. He looked around. No one had noticed anything. Of course, everyone was asleep in the Inn where he'd come back after searching Soylas or Shoelace, but in his Moment of Shock, Dally conveinintly forgot about that. Wiping his face with his sleeve, he continued on, now on the lookout for insane blue . . . thingys.

Yeah.

"LLAMAS!" screamed another little blue gremlin, leaping onto Dally's shoulders and riding him like a horsey. "Llamas llamas llamas llamas, la-la-la-la-la-la-LLAMAS! _LLAMAS!_"

And with that it sumersaulted off Dally's shoulders, jumped onto the nearest table, and ran away, banging two coconuts together as it went.

"Wha - what the - hey - " Dally spun around, cool blackie robes swirling very dramatically, as he stared wildly around.

By the way, being on the lookout for little blue thingys had done absolutely nothing to prepare him for having one jump on him, ride him like a horsie, scream about llamas, and sumersaulting off, and may we mention that this all happened in less than a minute?

It did.

Yeah.

59 and a half seconds.

Count 'em.

* * *

UP ON THE ROOF: 

Flint was snoring blissfully, dreaming of . . . actually, we have the feeling that you don't want to know what he's dreaming of. We took a look at his dreams, were traumatized for exactly three months, 21 days, eighteen hours, fourty-two minutes, 8 seconds, and 1.9 nanoseconds, and we're telling you, you don't wanna know!

Anyway . . .

So, this dwarfie dude dressed like (duh duh duh) Britney Spears (civilians run off screaming in terror andshielding their eyes) with a ton of makeup on (see previous chapters for full info) was alseep . . . OK, he was unconcious, due to a certain kender's glass-shattering singing, but that's off topic . . . . who's ever on topic, anyway . . . make you wonder, doesn't it . . . yeah . . . on the roof, just lying there, snoring his head off (not literally; this is after all supposed to be PG) when . . .

"- la-la-la-la-la-la-LLAMAS! _LLAMAS!_" came drifting up from the window.

"La la?" murmered the dwarf sleepily.

He twitched. "No . . . la . . . la . . . "

As his brain awakened, he began to twitch harder. "No! No lala! Lala remind Flint of dancing ballerina bunnies! NO LALA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

With that, the dwarf awoke just in time to see Dalamar, who had heard him and wondered just What The Hell was going on, and had peaked his head up through the window.

"You! LALA!" the furious drawf raged at the dark elf, who, profoundly shocked to the very core of his dark soul, was gaping wide-eyed at Flint. "You in legue with bunnies! Evil bunnies! EVIL! Evil evil evil evil evil evil evil evil evil evil EVIL! Bunny-lover must die!"

"Aaaaargh!" scream Dally, running for his life as the crazed dwarf lunged at him. "HELP!"

"Bunny-lover die!" shrieked Flint, and he proceeded to chase Dally around the Inn in giant circles, stepping on innocent patrons and scaring away the tuna.

"Help!" Dally screamed in terror. "SOMEONE!"

"Bunny-lover! DIE!" Flint now had a Very Large Stick. "I must whack bunny-lover! ON THE HEAD! Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!"

* * *

_Yes, I left you guys with ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER!_

_The Oracle Hath Spoken._

_Speical thanks to:_

_Everyone who's reviewed this! THANK YOU!_

_And espeically to Blossie, who knows who she is. _

_Please review, or I'll send Flint after you!_

_Bwahahahahahahahahaaaa!_

_(Laughing evilly rocks!)_


	19. An Interesting Interlude

_Disclaimer: disclaim, disclaim, disclaim, disclaim._

_I actually dreamed part of this. Hope you enjoy:_

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

**An Interesting Interlude Involving Kooky Kender, Green Gremlins, Pineapples, Blinking, and Bunnies. Not Nessessarily in That Order.**

Well, people, when we left off last time, Flint, our favorite crazed dwarf, was chasing Dalamar, our favorite frantic dark elf, around the Inn with A Very Big Stick. Just _where _Flint happened to find this stick is beyond us: it just appeared in midair.

Yeah.

So . . . just to annoy you, we'll shift from Dally and go back to our loony kenders . . . :

"Yeah." Merribell agreed solemly, shaking her head, sending a cloud of sparkles into the air.

The three kender were silent for a historical moment. Then, realizing what thet were doing, Tas hurridly remembered his manners and turned to Merribell.

"So . . . what have you got in your pouches?"

Merribell frowned. "I don't know . . . it's been years since I took inventory. Now's a good time, though!"

And with that, she plunked down on the ground, and Tawny plunked down beside her, and Tasslehoff plunked down beside her.

"Let's see . . . " Merribell dug out Pouch Number One and produced: " . . . a bobbypin, a lemon, two coconuts, a peice of paper, a pink plastic mini HeMan sword about the size of my little finger, a blue staple, a plastic pizza, a hair scrunchie, a funny ring, a metal spring, and some random bits of paper. Cool!"

She then proceeded to empty all her pouches onto the ground (helped, of course, by Tas and Tawny) and once that was finished, Tas proceeded to empty all his pouches onto the ground (helped, of course, by Merribell and Tawny) and once that was finished, Tawny proceeded toempty all her pouches onto the ground (helped, of course, by Tas and Merribell).

"Tricolon! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" a nearby Little Blue Gremlin shrieked with delight, bouncing off (literarily) to spread the news.

The kender took no notice of this, however.

And the mini-Trading Federation began.

"Let's see, I'll give you this blue bracelet for that lemon."

"No way!" Merribell clutched the precious lemon to her. "My melon!" her eyes shone yellow and she wrapped her fingers around it. "My precioussssssssss."

"Ok . . . the blue bracelet for the HeMan sword?"

"OK!" Tas and Merribell switched items.

"So, anyone want to trade for this pink pony toy?"

"Yeah! I'll give you this cool potato for it."

"Done!"

"Ooooh, shinyyy . . . "

"Look at this!"

"I'll give you a staple for it!"

"Cool!"

"Oooh, a hair scrunchy!"

"I'll give you a plastic pizza for it!"

"No way! Are you crazy?"

"Ok, then! A plastic pizza and this shiny key!"

"Wow!"

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

* * *

"Cool! A line!" 

The three kender stopped trading/borrowing/and exclaiming to stare at the Line which had miraculously appeared.

And stared.

And stared.

And stared.

And stared.

* * *

Still staring.

* * *

Still staring . . .

* * *

STILL staring . . .

* * *

"THREE LINES! Awesome!" Merribell did a Happy Dance. "Woo-hoo!" 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" several nearby Little Blue Gremlins abandoned their perches in the trees and ran madly from the kender, their hands clapped over their burning eyes. "No Happy Dance! Noooo!"

Tawny stared.

Tas stared.

Merribell abandoned her Happy Dance in favor of staring.

. . . a minute passed . . .

. . . another minute passed . . .

. . . a third minute passed . . .

A butterfly flew from Somewere Over The Rainbow and landed on Tas's nose, mistaking him for a flower. It beat it's tiny wings against his nostrils, tickling them . . .

Tas blinked.

"You blinked!" cried Tawny. "You blinked! I knew you would! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked!" here she paused for a deep breath, then plunged right in again. "You blinked! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked!" here another deep breath was needed. "YOU BLINKED! DO YOU DARE DENY IT!"

" . . . . . . . . . " was all Tas managed. Merribell didn't say anything, so absorbed was she in watching the Little Blue Gremlins run away.

"SEE! You don't deny it! YOU DID BLINK! Do you admit it!"

"YOU ADMIT IT! You blinked! I SAW YOU! Bwahahaahahaha! You blinked! You blinked! You blinked! Nyah-nyah-nyah nyah nyah!" Now it was Tawny's turn for a Happy Dance. She did so, hopping around her hoopak, which she had shoved into the ground.

Tawny stopped doing her Happy Dance and turned back to Tas. "You did blink, didn't you?"

" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . " Tas was still overwelmed by Tawny's dialouge.

"YOU DID BLINK! I saw you!" Tawny began doing her Happy Dance. Again.

"And so did I!" a deep, godlike voice rang out.

Tas jumped.

Tawny jumped.

Merribell jumped.

(not nessessarily in that order.)

"Who are you?" Tawny called, looking around inquisitively. Merribell and Tas did likewise.

"I am . . . THE GREEN LORD GEMOZ GREMLITFIFISDIDRILKILCILSILADIDLIDKID!"

And with that, a green figure stepped before the kender.

It was a gremlin.

Not any gremlin, mind you. There are blue gremlins, and pink gremlins, and yellow gremlins, and pruce gremlins. There are red gremlins and turquoise gremlins and mult-colored gremlins and black gremlins who glow a bright lime green in the dark. However, this was a green gremlin.

It looked like all gremlins - like a small human (no more than two feet) with a heart-shaped face, large, puppydog eyes, delicate batlike ears, long fingers and toes, yadda yadda yadda. This one happened to be male, and since he was a greengremlin, he was, naturally, green.

His skin was a regular just-boring-ordinary-green-green. His hair, however, was pale green, and hung neatly in three braids down to his waist. His eyes were dark green, so dark that they were almost black, and his only clothes were a pair of two bright, neon-green pants. His chest, arms, and feet were bare. He had on his hands yellow-green, fingerless gloves that stopped at his wrists. The left one had a kiwi embrodiered on it; the right had a coconut. He had a gold headband that had, oddly, red-and-blue butterflies embrodiered on it, and a silver chain around his neck that had a silver disk on it that had the letters _GG _on it.

Tas, Merribell, and Tawny stared. There were all around four feet, and were roughly twice the size of the little gremlin.

"LITTLE?" cried Gemoz. "I'll have you know I am a giant among my kind! I am - " he broke off suddenly.

A minute passed.

"You are . . . . . . . ?" Tas promted.

Gemoz stared balefully at the kender. "When I am about to announce my title, I expect people to drumroll! YOU MUSTDRUMROLL!"

Another minutes passed.

Gemoz looked pleadingly at the three kender. "Please?"

"Sure!" Tawny shrugged,and the three immeadiately began drumrolling.

"NOT ON MY HEAD!" shrieked Gemoz.

"Oh!" Merribell cried. "Sorry!"

"That's better." Gemoz huffed. "As I was saying - I am the King of the Green Gremlins! Lord of the Emereld Gremlins! THE BIG GREEN DUDE WITH A PINEAPPLE!" he lifted both his arms above his head, and made Peace signs with each hand. "Beware my power! Muahahahahahahahaha!"

He waited expectantly. Tas, Tawny, and Merribell, too involved in their respective drumrolls, weren't paying a spect of attention to him.

A minute passed.

"You guys can stop now." he finally said.

The kender stopped and eyes him curiously.

Another minute passed.

"Where's your pineapple?" Tas finally asked.

"My what?"

"Your pineapple. You said you were the BIG GREEN DUD WITH A PINEAPPLE, so where's your pineapple?"

"Why, it's right . . . " the dude's eyes went wide as he stared at his hand. "Nooooo! MY PINEAPPLE! It's gone! It's gone! O misery! O woe! IT'S GONE!"

And with that, he burst into sobs and curled up in the Feeble Position. "Nooooooo! I lost my pineapple! How could I lose my pineapple? I WANT MY PINEAPPLE! WAHHHHH!"

Tawny, Tas, and Merribell rushed up to comfort him, tears in their eyes as they thought of the brave, noble dude's loss. To lose a pineapple . . . was there a more cruel trick Fate could play?

"It's OK, dude."

"It isn't gone forever."

"You'll find it."

"I'm sure if you just think back, you'll find it."

"Maybe you left it somewhere and someone picked it up and is looking for you so he/she/it can give it back to you."

"Look on the sunny side."

"It isn't so bad."

"Don't worry."

"We'll help you find it."

"You will?" the Green Gemoz dude lifted his tearstained eyes. "You mean it?"

"Of course we do!"

"Yayyyyyyyyyyy!" The dude hopped up, misery and woe forgotten. "Let's go!"

"Ok!" the three kender shrugged and followed the Green Dude's lead, skipping merrily into the woods.

They skipped right.

Then left.

Then left again.

Then right.

Then left.

Then left.

Then left.

Then left.

"Wow!" Tas cried. "We made a circle!"

Everyone stood still, marvelling at their ability to make so wonderful a circle, when suddenly Tawny stiffened.

"I feel something watching us . . . " she murmered. "Something evil . . . " suddenly, her eyes went wide. She stared wildly past the Green Dude.

Few things on Krynn can penetrate a kender's natural immunity to fear. This was one of them.

"BUNNIES!" screamed Tawny wildly, turning from the horrible sight and running full force away. "Bunnies, bunnies, bunnies, bunnies! BUNNIES! AAAAAAAAA! BUNNIES!"

" . . . the heck?" Gemoz, Tas, and Merribell said in complete usion. Turning, they spotted It.

It was a little, cute, fluffy bunny, with sweet brown fur and cut widdle paws and a cut widdle fuzzy puff of a cude widdle tail . . .

"NO!" screamed Gemoz. "No! Look away, before it gets you, too!" he seized Tas and Merribell and dragged them away from the Evil Critter, running as fast as he could.

Several blue gremlins watched this with large eyes. One, a female, turned to the other one, who happened to be male, and twirled her blue finger around her ear.

"Crazy." she mouthed.

The male nodded.

* * *

_Soooooo sorry I haven't updated lately, but we've been having MORE computer troubles. . . argh . . . so, anyway, THANK YOU to all who've just read and will (hopefully) review! Please, tell me what you think, any ideas you might have, etc. etc. etc._

_Thank you, and please review!_


	20. Dally's Adventures in Solace, Part Two

_Disclaimer: I do not own DL, TSR, Monty Python, Spaceballs, or ANYTHING else, 'cept my imagination (rainbow appears between hands)._

_CHAPTER 20! Yayyyyy!_

**CHAPTER TWENTY.**

**Dally's Adventures In Solace**

**Part Two.**

A little red gremlin swung her legs idly as she stared down from her perch on the ceiling. Beneath her a crazed dwarf - weirdest looking one she'd ever seen - with a big stick - now where'd he get that? - was chasing a dark elf - HOT! - around the room in circles - actually, more ovals than circles, but you get what I mean.

Dalamar was running out of breath - literally - when he got a bright idea.

"Hey!" Dalamar snatched the lightbulb off his head and stared at it. "Cool."

Flint stopped chasing Dalamar and they both oggled at the lightbulb.

. . . ten minutes later . . .

Still oggling.

. . . thirty minutes later . . .

Nope, still oggling.

. . . does this seem familiar to anyone? . . .

"Heythatsmine!"

Both Dalamar and Flint turned towards the cry. A bearded gnome stood in the enterence of the inn.

"Thatsmineyouknow." he jabbered. "Iinventeditusingtheproperamountofsodiumanbycar-"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed a patron, lifting his head.

Silence insued.

"Um . . . sir?" Dalamar broke the silence.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU BROKE THE SILENCE? HOW COULD YOU BREAK THE SILENCE?" a little blue gremlin jumped onto the table, then promptly collasped, sobbing. "I LOVED THE SILENCE! NOO! YOU EVIL PERSON!"

And with that, the gremlin, whose name we cannot pronounce, jumped up to the two, seized Flint's stick, and began walloping Dalamar on the head - or at least trying to. A scuffle insued, and the two began to process of running around the Inn. In circles. For the second time.

Yeah . . .

"No!" shrieked the gnome from the doorway. "Dontbreakmylightbulb! Don't! Pleasewho-"

"I have the lightbulb!" cried Flint. "And burning guacamole can't pry it from me!"

"PleasedontittooksolongtomakeandJUSTDAMMITALLGIVEITTOME!" shrieked the gnome, quite loudly. Flint, a bored patron who just woke up, and the gnome began playing gnome in the middle. We don't need to describe it, so we shall not.

Another patron-who-just-woke-up rolled over and stared at the patron who had shouted 'nooooooooooooooooooooooo." 23 os, count 'em! and said "What in the name of any god was that?"

"I just wanted to do it." protested the man weakly.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHH! Get away from me! Stop chasing me! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?" screamed poor Dalamar as he was chased around by the crazed blue dude.

BAANNGG!

With a noise that stopped all activity - no, that does not include breathing, literalitsts - a mousie with a Really Big Stick walked out of his mousehole and got the poor crazed blue gremlin dude full in the face. Heteetered, anda gremlin blew a puff of air on him, causing him to fall over.

Everyone just kind of stared.

The mousie walked over and, using the Really Big Stick, vaulted up onto a table. He motioned to the mousehole, and a line of mice tap-danced out of it. Tossing away the useless tophats and coats, they completely ignored everyone else and used (**duh duh duh**) THE POWER OF THE FORCE! (trumpets play out music at the front of the SW movies) to levitate up onto the table. And all in a straight line, too.

(This next part will make no sense tothose who((gasp!)) have never seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Live with it.)

One mousie - the origional - Ok, I don't really know, they're impossible to tell apart - stepped up and cleared his throat.

THIS is what he did:

He blinked.

He breathed.

He blinked again.

He breathed.

He blinked again.

He breathed.

He blinked again.

He breathed again.

He blinked.

He blinked twice.

He cleared his throat again.

Spreading his arms wide, he stepped up (again!) and whisped with all his mousie bousie soul, "Camelot!"

"No . . . " everyone gasped.

"Camelot!" another mousie repeated.

"No." every gasped. Again!

"Camelot." a third said.

"Don't you dare . . . " everyone warned in hushed tones. In synce. Yeah.

"CAM-EL-LOT!" sang the mice. Then they all began singing the Camelot song from the movie.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! NOOOOOOOOO! IT BURNS! IT SCARES! IT BRING TO MIND MENTAL IMAGES OF KILLER RABBITS! NOOOOOOOO!" everyone, even the sleeping people, screamed. In sync. Yeah.

Then they all ran out of the Inn. In sync. Yeah.

* * *

"Why'd they leave?" asked one mouse. 

"Guess they liked us so much that they ran to spread the word!" another piped up.

* * *

Everyone just kind of stood milling around on the ground outside the Inn, having run full-speed down the stairs. They just stood there, milling. 

And milling.

And milling.

And blinking.

And breathing.

In sync.

Yeah.

Dalamar broke away from the thong and wandered a few feet away. No one payed any attention. Dalamar was thinking. Hard. If he was supposed to rescue some people from a bunch of insane elementary-school-acting people, he'd need some followers to help him . . . right?

Oh so right.

"HEY!" yelled Dalamar. "LISTEN UP, PEOPLE!"

No one listened.

"PEOPLE!"

Still no one.

"**_PEOPLE_**!"

Nope. No one.

Dalamar sighed. Chanting, he waved his arms around dramatically, causing a flash of blue lightning to streak down from the sky and land right in the middle of the people.

_Now_ everyone was listening.

"Ok!" Dalamar was greatly relieved. "I'm trying to rescue some people from some crazy dudes. Anyone want to help?"

"RESCUE PEOPLE FROM SOME CRAZY DUDES!" everyone yelled enthusiastically. In sync.

"It's not like we have anything better to do." a man remarked toa woman.

"OK!" laughed Dalamar. "Thank you, high charisma!"

Then he paused.

He had no idea where the crazy dudes were.

"Well, we need to comb this place! We're looking for -" here Dalamar paused and, because the author wanted him to, pulled out a list of paper. "A dark, curly-haired sl-_woman_, woman."

"Kitiara." themen muttured, grinning.

"A self-righteous idiotic honor-obsessed wanna-be Knight of Solamnia with serious reality issues."

"Sturm." the people muttered, rolling their eyes.

"And a half-elf who has no idea why he's here."

"Tanis." sighed the ladies.

"Good!" Dalamar grinned. "Now start combing!" He paused again.

"Uh oh." he murmered.

He had no idea where Flint the crazed dwarf was!

"Ticossi." he muttered the elven swear that the elves in the computer game always say when something bad happens, then turned away and began searching for Flint.

* * *

"Do you think we're being a bit too literal?" a man asked another. 

They had all found some Very Big Combs just lying in a patch of grass and had proceeded to lift each comb (two people to a comb - these things were BIG) and literally began actually combing the grass.

The man looked at the progress they were making (absolutely none) in finding the people, than shrugged. "Nah. We're just following orders."

"Okay." the first guy shrugged and went back to combing the place.

How nice and neat it was!

* * *

_I got the blinking/breathing bit from my brother, who always says that when describing people when he's the DM in the twisted games we play._

_The song 'Camelot' is from MP. _

_The combing scene is from Spaceballs._

_Where do you guys want Flint to be and what do you want him to be doing? Tell me your ideas and I'll give you a cookie!_

_Thanks!_


	21. An Intermission

_Disclaimer: the poem is MINE! other than that, no owny. _

_Purely for enjoyment, folks. Don't ask. You don't want to know._

_Chapter Twenty One_

_And Intermission in Which We Have, For Entertainment, Angsty Mice! Live!_

"Halt!"

The two blue gremlins - the male and female ones from Ch. 19 - stared at the mousie who had said 'halt!'

"Halt!" repeated the mouse. "Sorry, I just like saying that."

"Uh huh." the female gremlin, who went by the name of Ikki-Ikki Batangzuwoon -

"Um, actually, it's Náessë."

Whatever. The female gremlin, who went by the name ofsaid dryly.

"Well." the mouse paused. "Oh yeah! To Enter the Concert Hall - otherwise known as the Inn of the Last Home - you must answer three questions. Not four, not two - except in the circumstance that you will then proceed to answer three - and definately not five. Five, thou shalt not answet. Gotcha?"

"Yeah." the male nodded.

"Ok - you, girl, will be first."

"Ok."

"What - is your name?"

She took a deep breath. "Náessë Telemnar Ánië Tinúviel Lúthien Culnámo Eärwen Nénmacil."

"What - is your quest?"

"To annoy the heck outa every living being on this planet."

"What - is your favorite color?"

"Blue."

"Ok." the mouse shooed Náessë Telemnar Ánië Tinúviel Lúthien Culnámo Eärwen Nénmacil along. Turning to the male, the mouse said:

"What - is your name?"

He likewise took a deep breath. "Maeglin Eressë Coamenel Nápoldë Eledhwen Tamuríl Tári Rúmil."

"What - is your quest?"

"To get in."

"What - is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

"Which one? European, African, or Krynnish?"

"Huh?" the mouse blinked. "I don't know that - AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

The mouse disapearred in a puff of orange smoke.

Maeglin Eressë Coamenel Nápoldë Eledhwen Tamuríl Tári Rúmil - who will be now known as just Maeglin, just as Náessë Telemnar Ánië Tinúviel Lúthien Culnámo Eärwen Nénmacil will be known as just Náessë - shrugged and followed Náessë.

* * *

Inside, the mice stand on a round table in a circle as the gremlins, blue or otherwise, kenlims, blue or otherwise, and kender, blue or otherwise, corwded about the table. A few mice are outside the circle and are playing instruments. Five step forward and begin with: 

"_Angsty mice have a hard, hard life._

_They live and die in pain and strife_

_Most get their tails cut of my a knife!_

_Oh, us Angsty Mice have a hard, hard life."_

The remaining mice begin dancing as three more mice step forward and the first five step back and look Very Important.

"_We're Angsty Mice_

_And by the gods, we have a hard hard life!_

_We cry all day_

_And shriek o-hay!_

_Oh, us Angsty Mice have a hard, hard life."_

A mouse swings by on a minature curtain suspended in midair and crashes on the table.

"We have a haaaaaaaaarrrrrddddddd hhhhaaaaaaaaarrrrrddddd liiiiiiiifffffeeee!"

More dancing; a mouse skeleton dangling from the local cat claps in tune with the rhythm.

"_Such a hard, hard life we do have_

_Hamstrung by our little calves!_

_No, no, no, we get cut in half!_

_Oh, us Angsty Mice have such a hard life!"_

A group of female mice hold up a picture ofa raindrop;another group, this time of males, hold up their mouse-sized sequined vests.

"_It's a busy life being all angsty-"_

Two mice of the group of three step back and the mouse who didn't step back steps forward - everyone got it? - and:

"_I haaaavvveeeee toooooo crryyyyy aaaaa llllooooooooooottttttt!"_

This time everyone began dancing as the music winds down. All the mice bow and run back into their hole before the Very, Very Bad Cat could get them.

"No, let's not go back to the old mousehole." a mousy, sqeaky voice was heard. "It 'tis a silly place."

"Yeah. And, after all, it's only a model."

The listening gremlins, kender, and kenlims, blue or otherwise, turned to eachother, then to the table, then to the mousehole, then to eachother, then to the table, then to the mousehole, then to eachother, then to the table, then to the mousehole, then to eachother, then to the table, then to the mousehole, then to eachother, then to the table, then to the mousehole, then to eachother, then to the table, then to the mousehole, then to eachother, then to the table, then to the mousehole, then to eachother, then to the table, then to the mousehole, then to eachother, then to the table, then to the mousehole, then to eachother, then to the table, then to the mousehole, then to eachother, then to the table, then to the mousehole, shrugged, and walked away.___

* * *

Maeglin and Náessë's names came from an Elvin Name Translator. Type in Elvin Name Translator on your Ask Jeeves and it's come up. I don't own the names. _

The gremlins, however, are mine.

Thanks for reading, and please review!

Note - I took out all the other lyrics 'cause I didn't want my account pulled. Sorry.

Maeglin and Náessë's names came from an Elvin Name Translator. Type in Elvin Name Translator on your Ask Jeeves and it's come up. I don't own the names. 


	22. Chapter 22

_Disclaimer: I claim nothing BUT the song which I WROTE! That is why, my dear friends, it is a horrible song._

_Note: I dedicate this chapter to BHS . . . thank you thank you thank you thank you etc. for all the reviews! _

**Chapter 22!**

**Which is double 11 which is _the magic number_ which is on a TV show I saw when I was six yet still remember!**

**(ahem)**

**In Which We Get Back To Our Poor Neglected Characters Espeically Raistlin Due To Popular Demand By Many Rabid Fangirls.**

**(smile)**

Wow, we left off at Raistlin at, like, ch 14 . . .

"Ahem!" a nameless blue gremlin waves at the camra. "Hey! Over here, you!"

(the camra swings around to stare directly three millimeters from the gremlins nosie)

"Not that close, durnit!"

(the camra pouts and backs off)

"Okay, that's better!" the gremlin shuffles his papers and stares importantly at them. Clearing his throat, he begins with, "To get back to our characters; Kitiara, Sturm and Tanis are presently tied up with magical Twizzlers by a bunch of crazed lunatics who believe that they're five years old again; Tas, Tawny, and Merribell are running from a bunny with a green gremlin who's looking for his lost pineapple; Flint is lost; Palmer is off with her Chicky Minions somewhere; Dalamar went looking for Flint, leaving the townsfolk to comb the grass nice and neatly; and, to tell you all the sad truth, the authoress has forgotten exactly what Raistlin and Caramon were doing. Hey, it's hard keeping track of, um, one, two, five, seven, nine, ten characters!"

Suddenly, the gremlin stops and cocks his head. From far away, a rumbling sound is heard. A cloud of dust gathers on the horizon.

"Um, yeah, ladies and gents, this chapter is about catching up on all of them . . ." the gremlin trails off as the rumbling grows louder and the dust cloud grows larger.

"And, um, yeah . . . "

The ground starts to rumble . . .

"Um, yeah, um, I really should be going now!" the gremlin cries, turning to leave. "Why I am still here I have no idea . . . "

The cloud of dust gets closer . . .

"This is humor, not horror!" the gremlin screams in protest. "LET ME OUTA HERE!"

Thousands of female voices carries over the wind.

"What's that they're chanting?" the gremlin looks about. "Um . . . someone roll for Listen check . . . "

The voices get louder; the rumbling gets louder; the tremling get, um, shakier . . .

"What'd you roll? 3? Damn. What's your modifier - 2? Ok . . . 3 plus 2 is 5, dangit, don't you hate those sucky die rolls?"

(Those of who who've played D&D can sympathize with this)

The voices grow louder; no listen check is needed to hear them now!

"Oh, no . . . " groans the gremlin. The camra squeaks in alarm and dashes off.

"It can't be!" a passing gremlin sceams.

"But it is!" another turns and runs away.

"Camras are inaminate objects,why can this one talk?" a confussled gremlin cries. "WHY! SOMEONE TELL ME WHY!"

The cloud gets closer . . . and closer . . . and . . . a horrible thing can be heard . . . run away . . .

"DAL-LY! DAL-LY! DAL-LY! DAL-LY!" the cloud chants.

"IT'S A MOB OF RABID FAN GIRLS!" the gremlin screams at the top of his lungs. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" (breath) "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" (breath).

"Gwacamole!" a passing gremlin screams.

"Oooookaaaayyy . . ." our gremlin mutters. "To get back to my screaming . . . AAAAAAA! RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!"

The gremlins - yes, ALL of them -turn and flee the scene as a mob of a hundred or so Rabid Fangirls dash onto the scene, screaming for one Dalamar Argent at the top of their lungs, wearing black shirts that saw, in big green print, 'WE LOVE YOU DALLY.'

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

The Fangirls have come.

**Duh duh duh-duh duh duh-duh.**

* * *

"AAAAAH!" Tanis screamed. "No! It's impossible! It's terrible! It's horrible! It's the end of the world!" 

"Shut up, Tanis!" Kitiara snapped.

"I will not shut up! I won't! I won't I won't I won't! And_ you _can't make me!"

"Oh yes I can!"

"Oh no you can't!"

"Oh yes I can!"

"Oh no you can't!"

"Oh yes I can!"

"Oh no you can't!"

"Oh yes I can!"

"How!" demanded Tanis. Finally.

"Ever heard the phrase 'silence is golden?' " Kitiara asked.

"Yeah. So?"

"Well," Kitiara grinned slyly. "Duct tape is silver, you know."

"Gulp." Tanis gulped, trying to inch away from Kit, terror in his eyes.

"I didn't know you were a gully dwarf." Sturm remarked.

"Of course I'm not! How dare you insult me, you - you - Knighty-Thingy!"

"O, how mean!" Sturm burst into tears. "Meanie! Wahh! Tanis is being mean to me!"

"And I'm tied up with you too morons." muttered Kitiara. "And you're being mean to _me_."

"No, we aren't."

"Oh, yes, you are!"

"Hey, let's get back to what started this in the first place!" Sturm snapped. "Tanis, what can possibly be impossible, terrible, horrible, and the end of the world?"

Tanis burst into tears. "You know all the lines in chapter 15? The one named 'hehe?' "

"Yeah . . . "

"Well, all the lines are gone!"

"NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Sturm and Kitiara.

"They're so _mean _to us!" wailed Sturm.

It was precisely at this time that the Moon Loon Powder, spilled by one Palmer Shamrock, wafted down through the air and directly into both Sturm's and Tanis's faces.

* * *

**Pride KIA.**

**

* * *

**

"Umm . . . " Raistlin muttered, staring at the above two words sandwiched between the two lines. 

"Uh, Raist?" Caramon rode up on his horsey. "What does 'Pride KIA' mean?"

"I do not know, my brother." Raistlin murmered, shaking his head. "It appears that the authoress, for the sheer heck of it, pressed 'ctrl C' to see what was last copied, and apparently the words 'Pride KIA' were the last words copied, thus they appear."

"Ohh . . ."

Silence.

"Uh, Raist . . . "

"Yes?"

"One question."

"Let me guess; you're going to ask why the heck you're on a horse with a cowboy hat in your hand. Am I right?"

"Yeah . . . " Caramon stared at Raistlin with worship in his eyes. "How'd you know that?"

"My brother, you have it writtin in a stupid thought bubble above you head."

"I do?" Caramon looked up at his little thought bubble that looked sort of like a cloud. "Ohh . . . I do."

"Yes."

More silence as the two twins study Caramon's thought bubble.

"So . . ." Caramon finally said.

"Yes, my brother?" Raistlin asked patiently. "What is it?"

"To get back to my question currently floating up in my though-bubble above my head . . . _why _the heck am Ion a horse with a cowboy hat inmy hand?"

"M-m-m-m." Raistlin m-m-m-med to himself thoughtfully. "I don't know."

More silence.

CRASH!

With a crazed stampede of many feet, Raistlin turned to see three kender - Tas and two females who looked vaguely unfamiliar - and a little green gemlin dude run from the forest . . .

Smack into the twins.

Confusion, chaos, and . . . another word that begins with the letter 'c' ensued.

"Ahhh! Caramon! You're sweat socks are DISGUSTING!" screamed Tas.

"Ahhh! Tas's hair is in MY MOUTH!" Merribell cried.

"Ahhh! It is? Cool!" Tas answered.

"Ahhh! MY PENCIL BROKE!" Tawny shrilled.

"Ahhh! I'm sniffing a horse's you-know-what!" Caramon cried.

"Ahhh! Why the heck are we all begining our statements with 'ahhh!' " Gemoz yelled.

"Ahhh! Help! I'm being squashed by three kender, a horse, a gremlin, and my brother!" was what Raistlin tried to say. Since he was currently being squashed by three kender, a horse, a gremlin, and Caramon, it sort of came out somewhere between a wheeze and a gasp. A wheesp, if you could call it that.

"HORSEY!" a kenlim screamed, dashing out from a nearby portal. "HORSEY! HORSEY HORSEY HORSEY HORSEY **_HORSEY_**!"

Soon, everyone got out from the pile (Caramon trying frantically to relieve his brother, who had passed out) and just stood around as Caramon attenpted to relieve his brother.

Wait . . . I just said that . . .

Oh, as the gnomes say, nevermind.

. . . Ten minutes later . . .

"Raistlin!" Caramon cried in relief as Raistlin opened his eyes. "You're awake! OMG! I thought you weredead! Are you OK?"

Raistlin stared silently at Caramon, eyes abstracted.

(Those of you who are easily frightened, you are encouraged to leave the building.)

* * *

Just waiting for the easily frightened people to leave the building . . .

* * *

Still waiting . . .

* * *

Still waiting . . .

* * *

STILL waiting . . .

* * *

Not even bothering to write it . . .

* * *

OK! We're continuing weather those easily frightened are present or not! 

(The following song was written by Raablynand she claims it.)

Raistlin flung himself to his knees and began singing.

"_Ashes and burning flame are_

_So dark and yet so bright_

_The soul they claw, the light they marr_

_Dark as everlasting night!"_

"Um, Raist?" Caramon muttered. " . . . are you OK?"

_"Kiss'd death, kiss'd sunless war_

_Kiss'd blood of aching sight_

_Away so long, gone so far_

_Wand'ring, lost to the liiiiiiiiiiiiight!_"

"Yeah, Raistlin!" Tas cried. "Hit it!"

"_Flaming fiery bloodied rain_

_Falling upon the ashes's grave_

_The sane one's stabbing pain,_

_The crazed one's burning rave!_"

Tas, Merribell, and Tawny dance around wildly, banging their heads and slamming their bodies about.

"_Reach out to grasp but unable to save_

_The dancing light's strive to atain_

_The illusion of love from darkest wave_

_Of where she upon the altar has lain."_

Caramon shruggs and joing the kender.

"_Coveted light from clutching fingers fall_

_Down to lie, forsaken in the dust_

_Heeding to the dark's empty call_

_He to his own, what he must!_"

The gremlins join in with Caramon and the kender. The green Gemoz dude stared open-mouthed as Raistlin strumms on the air guitar and sings, oblivious to them all.

"_Broken memory, shattered bust_

_Of joy' last stand above them all_

_Before falling to the darkest lust_

_That has forever held them in thrall._"

Raistlin let the ending words ring out, then hushed, bowing his head.

"Whoa, Raist!"Caramon gawked. "I . . . you . . . wow."

"That was so GODDAMN AWESOME!" screamed Tawny. Merribell, too awed, bobbed her agreement.

"Wow, Raistlin!" Tas cried. "I never knew you were a singer!"

Raistlin raised his head and let his eyes fall to the sky. "That is because, kender, I am not."

* * *

While everyone was dancing to Raistlin's amazing singing, Gemoz closed his mouth and turned around. Why? Because the DM said so! 

A glitter of light caught Gemoz's eyes. He turned, and saw . . .

"My pineapple!"

With a sob of graditude he fell upon the pineapple, clutching it to his chest, crying in graditute. "Oh, my love, thank the gods I found you at last . . . "

And he went on and on and on, until it got so romantic and mushy that even the most dedicated romantics could not stand another second and tossed him through the nearest portal into another story somewhere.

And thus this chapter ends.

* * *

_You know the drill: please review! _

_What did you think of my song? Didja like it?_

_Couldn't help but add Raistlin's melodramatics in. They're what makes Raistlin, um, Raistlin. _

_Next chapter focusses on Flint, Dalamar, Kitiara, Sturm, and Tanis. _

_PLEASE REVIEW!_


	23. Attack of the Air Guitar!

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters (besides the Shamrocks, Raab, Lyn, and the gremlins), BUT I DO OWN THE SONGS! I WROTE THEM, I STUCK THEM UP, **THEY'RE MINE**!_

_ahem. Nearly everyone sings in this chapter, except for Raistlin, Caramon, Tawny, Sturm, Kit, and Flint._

_Thanky you. Have a good day and please enjoy._

**Chapter 23!**

_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!_

_Why in the name of the gods are you screaming?_

**Attack of the Air Guitar!**

**(And The Really, Really, Really Bad Singing Except For Dalamar Who Is Awesome And Rocks.)**

_Ohhh . . . that's why . . . _

The wind wafted the Moon Loon Powder across the trees, the grass, the bunnies, right across the Kindegardener's camp to float oh-so-casually into the faces of Sturm Brightblade and Tanis Half-Elven.

"AAAAAAACHOOOO!" sneezed Sturm. Tanis giggled.

Suddenly, the enchanted Twizzlers holding Tanis, Kitiara, and Sturm to the pole melted because of Sturm's sneeze and fell away.

"Whoa." Sturm said as his feet touched ground.

"Cool." Kit observed.

"Awesome." Tanis said.

"Dude!" Sturm slapped Tanis a high-five. "That was wicked rad!"

"Yeah!" Tanis slammed Sturm on the back, crazed-high-school-guy style. "Totally awesome."

"Nooooo!" wailed Kitiara. "I'm in the company of two idiots!"

"Dude!" Tanis smirked. "Can you imagine?"

"No way, dude."

"Aw, dude!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed all the kindegardeners. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! TOO MANY DUDES IN ONE CONVERSATION!"

They all ran away.

"Well," remarked Kit. "That solves that problem."

"Cool, dude!"

"Yeah, dude!"

"TOOOOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMMANNNNNNNYYY DUDES! AAA!" screamed Kitiara. She ran to the nearest tree and climed up into into. Holding her arms out, she began to air guitar . . .

"_Too many dudes_

_Too many dudes_

_I have heard to-day_

_Too many dudes_

_Too many dudes_

_I have heard to-day-ay-ay . . . . _

_There's a wanna-be Knight_

_Still dressed in that ridiculous bunny suit_

_There's that half-elf_

_Who is really good in-"_

"KITIARA UTH MATAR, THERE ARE CHILDREN READING!" a very irate voice screamed out of nowhere.

"Sorry!" Kit shrugged. Sturm raised his arms.

"Paladine, Mishakal, gods!" he cried. "You have returned . . . " his eyes gleamed. "Vegetables and cockroaches are planning to take over the world! I must warn everyone! Toodles!"

With that, Sturm the Bunnyman Who-Is-Still-Wearing-That-Bunny-Suit bounced away.

"AAAAh!" Tanis screamed. "Toodles! Nooooo!" he curled up into the fetal position, rocking back and forth, sucking his thumb. "No more toodles mommy no more toodles mommy no more toodles mommy."

Kitiara was about to reply when someone - or some_thing_, you never know, do you? - seized her by the back of her neck and yanked her down from the tree.

"Hey, Kit?" Tanis looked up, looking around. "Where are you . . . did you leave me . . . again?"

No answer, obviously, seeing as little blue gremlins are presently gagging our favorite Kit for her horrible singing.

"NO!" screamed Tanis. "I can't decide . . . I CAN NOT DECIDE!" he brightened up suddenly. "I know!"

He went over to a flower, picked it, and began plucking the petals, one by one, saying "apples, bananas, apples, bananas, apples, bananas, apples, bananas, apples, bananas, apples, bananas, apples, bananas, apples, bananas, apples! Whew! I never knew a flower had than many petals!"

He thought a minute, sat down, and began singing . . .

"_Oh, apples or bananas_

_How can I pick the best?_

_Oh, bananas and ap-ples_

_Who grow in the weh-eh-est."_

He stopped for a minute, paused, then thre himself to his knees and strummed with all his might;

"_Flowers_

_Riddled with thorns_

_One dark, one light_

_My heart is torn._

_Hours_

_Pain of yourn_

_One black, one white_

_No one to mourn._

_Now or_

_Never to taste scorn_

_One dim, one bright_

_One new, one worn."_

"GAG HIM TOO!" the gremlins screamed. "Bad singing alert, bad singing alert!"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Tanis screamed, hopping to his feet and running as fast as he could away from the irate little blue dudes . . .

And right smack into something big . . .

And all went black.

"How dramatic!" Kit muttered through her gag.

* * *

Caramon stared at Tanis . . . or at least he thought it was Tanis. After all, his face was painted and he was dressed really weirdly. 

And he, having slammed right into the big warrior, was unconsious.

"Ouch." Tas observed. "You know, running into things really does hurt and leaves sort of a ringing sound in your ears. I remember this one time-"

"Shut it, Tas." Raistlin and Caramon said at the same time.

"So mean!" Tas huffed.

"I know." Merribell leaned closer. "They all usually are."

Tas turned to her. In the before-dusk her hair was lit with thr glow of the fading sun, a glow that danced and sparkled in the many sparkles on her clothing. Her eyes were large and dark and luminous.

. . . a minute passed . . .

"Tas, why are you staring at me?" Merribell finally asked with typical kender curiosity.

"Um . . . " Tas shook himself. "I'm staring at you 'cause I think you're beautiful."

"Oh no!" Raistlin groaned.

"What?" everyone turned to ask.

"The kender are doing a romantic scene!" Raistlin wailed.

"Oh, yeah, this story's messed up." Caramon agreed, shaking his head.

Merribell grinned, than slammed her knees into the ground and began to sing;

"_I'm a little kender girl_

_In a big, interesting world_

_Lookin' around,_

_And up, and down_

_I see so many things_

_That emotion can bring_

_And somehow they all end up in my pouches _

_Except for the couches._"

Tas joined in;

"_I'm a little kender boy_

_In a big, interesting void_

_Wandering up and down_

_In the sky__and under ground_

_Don't hate it when I sing_

_Because it's our voices mingling_

_And you can't put stuff like that in your pouches_

_Why? No one slouches!_"

They both began singing loudly, eerily, and shrilly, but with an odd sweetness.

"_We're two little kenders_

_The earth-and-sky benders_

_We like to look up, look down_

_And just plain wander around_

_Hear the morning bells ring_

_Ride on a dragon's wing_

_Don't really care if they aren't here_

_Got no human fear!_

_You can go about this whole wide world_

_And into lightlessness hurled_

_All your common sense_

_And go foreward hence_

_Something, something, something, something_

_See what emotions we can bring!_"

"And now they're singing, too." Raistlin remarked sourly.

"Hey . . . " Caramon looked around. "Where's Tawny?"

* * *

It was the oddest sight Flint had ever seen. 

A group of humans - a rather large one, come to think of it - was combing the grass with huge combs. Flint had to admit - the grass _was_ nice and pretty. And neat. Comfy, in fact . . .

Sturm the Bunnyman found Flint Fireforge asleep on the grass, along with some irate villagers who were a wee bit upset because he had messed up the neatness.

"The bunnies are good and shall save you all!" he proclaimed to them. Maybe the sight of him in his bunny suit, added with the words he just said, were the things that made thevillagers flee. Maybe they weren't. In any case, the villagers fled back to the Inn, leaving Sturm alone with Flint and a bunch of big combs.

Turning, Sturm was surprised to find himslf nose-to-nose with an elf.

"Hiya! My name's Sturmy and-"

"_Ast tasarak sinularun krynawi._"

Sturm fell asleep next to Flint, snoring. Dalamar sighed and grinned slightly. Walking to the nearest tree, he leaned against it, a dark shadow in the twilight, and began to quietly hum, than sing;

"_Oh, to feel the magic_

_Of the secrets fill you_

_Oh, to feel the magic_

_Of the darkness shroud you_

_Oh, to feel the pain_

_That such darkness brings_

_When embraced, the rain_

_Pours you out from the Sun's domain._

_The aspen trees are singing_

_The moon is glowing bright_

_The right flowers are blooming_

_And all doth seem right._"

Dalamar began to quietly pretend to play the guitar;

"_But darkness is here_

_Evil is near_

_In a form of an elf_

_Unblinded by the light_

_Promised to the darkness,_

_Child of the night._

_When judged, dark eyes are chaste_

_Hatred comes from all around him_

_They fear that which he embraced;_

_The night, the darkness, the hymn_

_Of the dark moon's song_

_Calling him to where he belongs_

_And it isn't there;_

_Among the aspens fair;_

_It is in the dark_

_Dimm'd the spark_

_Look to the Dark Moon_

_To see their doom_

_It won't be yours._

_And thus the rain pours_."

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed the Rabid Fangirls. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! DAL-LY DAL-LY DAL-LY DAL-LY DAL-LY DAL-LY DAL-LY DAL-LY DAL-LY DAL-LY DAL-LY! DALLY, WE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!"

* * *

_soo . . . what did you think of this one?_

_I'm ending the story soon , you can see that. Never fear, I plan on doing a sequel._

_So . . . review, please._


	24. The End

_Disclaimer: my last disclaimer on this story! (sobs melodramatically) I own Merribell, Tawny, and Palmer, the gremlins, and the poem/songs, but, other than that, everything belongs to the great and holy Wizards of the Coast!_

_Yeah, everyone sings, riiiiiiiiiight._

_This is my last chapter. Why? Because I hate the number 25. Don't ask why, I just do. So when I began writing this, I thought, I'll never write a chapter 25. Of course, then I expected this to be six or seven chapters, at most. Ah, how time changes . . . _

_And I also want to get to some serious work on my other fics. But never fear, for those who are not kender! I will return! (gleaming eyes) Read to find out more!_

_Oh, yes, the zombie bunny belongs to Kyra Skye. To find more zombie bunnies, you must go read her fic; Zombie Bunny. It's really quite funny._

**Chapter 24**

_The One In Which We End The Story In A Way That Was Hinted At Before But Probably Forgotten._

"Let me go." Kit muttered angrily through her gag.

"No." was the gremlin's reply.

"Let me go."

"No."

"_Let me go_."

"_Noooooooooo_."

"Gods dang it! RELEASE ME OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!" Kit screamed, spitting out the gag. Not that hard to do, seeing as it was gremlin-size, and quite teeny.

"Ok!" the gremlin cried. "OK! Sheesh, keep your 'airnet on, willya?"

Two minutes later, Kit was released.

"You could say 'thank you.' " muttered the gremlin reproachfully.

"Ah," Kit scowled. "I _could_ . . . but _would_ I? _Should_ I?"

"Yeah, well, I gues you could say 'thanks,' I don't really know if you would but my guess is that you wouldn't, and as to should you, I believe you should. After all, we only tied you up."

"And gagged me."

"And gagged you." the gremlin shrugged. "But that's it."

"You surpressed my creative artistic talent!" Kit's large, liquid brown eyes filled with tears. "You would not allow me to sing! SING! Boohoo, you're such bad people!" she began to sob into her hands. "Such bad, bad people!"

"Uh . . . . ?"the gremlins gawked.

"Are you ok?" a young female asked apprehensively, creeping closer to the weeping Kit.

"Ok!" Kit cried. "Oh, _si_, I'm ok! I've only been tied to a tree, forced to play twister, got trampled on, got hugged by a stupid dwarf, tied to a pole with a twizzler, then gagged and tied! Oh, yeah, sure, I'm ok!"

"You know, you're waaaayyyyyyy out of character." remarked another gremlin.

"HOW DARE YOU?" screamed Kit, drawing her sword. "I WILL MAKE YOU ALL PAY! YOU STOLE MY PENCIL, MY LOVE, AND MY APPLE! WELL, I WON'T HAVE IT! COME FATES COME, COME, CRUSH, CONCLUDE!" she lifted her arms, one hand clutchinga sword, to the darkening heavens. "I WILL MAKE THEM ALL PAY!"

She paused in her ranting and looked around. No gremlins were there to be found. Not a scrap of poem, lemon, or lime. Wow, what an incredebly stupid rhyme.

Apparently, they'd all fled from the insane girl with the big, sharp, pointy sword while she was ranting about apples.

Kit just stared at the place where they had been, slowly turning her head to regard the woods. No gremlins.

None.

She slumped to the ground and began doodling in the dirt with her big, sharp, pointy sword.

"To be blunt," grumbled said sword to itself, "I can't see the point."

* * *

Flint and Sturm lay a little ways from each other, snoring away. Dalamar grinned at his handiwork. Spellwork. Whatever. 

But then his delicate elven ears caught something . . .

A chant . . . ?

"Dal . . . " he muttered, straining to hear. "and . . . lee? Dal-lee?" he frowned. "Dally. I wonder who that could be . . . "

His voice trailed off as he looked down at his robes.

"Oh. Dally." he muttered, realizing the awful truth.

"DALLY! DALLY! DAL-LY! WE LOOOOOOVE YOU!" the fangirls, who were quite near, shrieked.

Dalamar the Dark shuddered, turned, and fled. (smart elf.)

* * *

Raistlin, Caramon, Merribell, and Tas wandered about the woods, calling "Tawny! Tawny!" 

OK, reality check. Caramon, Merribell, and Tas wandered about the woods, calling "Tawny! Tawny! Yoo-hoo, Tawny!" Raistlin scowled and plunked himself down onto the ground.

"C'mon, Raist, let's look for Tawny." Caramon tugged at Raistlin's sleeve.

"Fool!" Raistlin spat at his twin. "Do you seriously want to find that insane kender?"

"Ah . . . " Caramon thought. "No, not really . . . but I want to know where she is, she might be hurt . . . "

Raistlin's eyes took on a fanatic, panicked look. He didn't know where the insane kender was. "Oh, gods!" be breathed, leeping to his feet. "TAWNY!"

"See?" Tas told Merribell as Raistlin ran into the woods. "He really _does_ care, deep down."

"He does?"

"Yup."

"Oh. Strange. I thought he just wanted to know where Tawny was so he could make sure she wasn't planning anything drastic, crazy, or weird." Merribell shrugged.

"Oh, you're so pessimistic." Tas replied.

"TAWNY!" screamed Raistlin. "I want to know where you are so I can make sure you aren't planning anything drastic, crazy, or weird!"

" . . . pessimistic, huh?" Merribell asked Tas.

"Well, ok, you win." Tas shrugged. "YOO-HOO! TAWNY!"

"TAWNY BABY!" called Caramon.

" . . . ?" were Raistlin's, Merribell's, and Tas's reactions.

"Tawny baby?" asked Raistlin in disgust.

"Yeah, well . . . "

"Ooooh!" sang Merribell. "Caramon and Tawny, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-!"

She didn't finish the age-old chant, due to the fact that Raistlin had tackled her, pinned her down, and was currently holding a knife to her throat. "Don't you _dare_ finish that!"

"Ok!" Merribell nodded, pushing the knife away, eyes wide. "Wow, what a nice knife. Mind if I-?"

"Yes, I do mind!" snarled Raistlin as he snatched his knife from her pocket. "Kindly do not touch my stuff!"

"Kindly keep your stuff away from my throat!" Merribell snarled right back at Raistlin.

"Hey," Caramon pushed the two aside. "Be nice!"

"You wanna wrestle?" demanded Merribell.

"ME? Wrestle _you_?" Caramon gaped at the lithe kender. "I'd squash you!"

"You're on!" Merribell tackled Caramon.

Tas and Raistlin watched, open-mouthed, as Merribell somehow, some way, wrestled Caramon onto his stomach in the dirt, twisted his arms and legs around, and bashed him on the head with her hoopak, just to be safe. Admittedly, this took some time, but Merribell didn't even have a scratch on her by the time she was finished.

"Whoa." Tas stared at Merribell in awe. Raistlin couldn't help but snicker.

"Give!" Merribell challenged Caramon.

"Ok!" Caramon yelped the word as she twisted his arm. "Uncle! Uncle!"

"Uncle Trapspringer? Where?" Merribell hopped off of the big man as she looked around eagerly for Uncle Trapspringer. Caramon, rubbing himself, climbed to his feet.

"She whupped me." he whispered in disbelief to his twin.

"Yes she did." Raistlin snickered harder.

"It's not funny."

"Oh, yes, it is." Raistlin was laughing by now.

* * *

Tawny, as you can probably guess, was planning something drastic, crazy, and weird. 

Now, Tawny Camellia Shamrock was not a paticularily cruel kender; in fact, she was a perfectly normal kender, albeit a rather drastic, crazy, and weird one. But then, all kender are drastic, crazy, and weird by other races' standards. Tawny was just drasticker, crazier, and weirder than the norm.

At this moment, she was watching a rather cute elf flee the clearing, with a rather large group of girls in hot pursuit, screaming rather loudly.Tawny had always wondered what 'hot pursuit' meant. Maybe the girls were hot - it had been, after all, a very hot day, except that now it was almost nighttime. She could still see her hand when she waved it in from of her face. The faint red light of waning Lunitari and the bright silver light of full Solinari, peaking out from behind the dark, thick clouds,mingled with the light of the fading sun as day neared its ending and the moons rose. Perched in her tree, Tawny marvelled at the beauty of the scene, sniffing a little.

When she had been a little baby kender, she had asked her da if she could have one of the moons. Her da had told her that if she had a moon, it wouldn't be in the sky, and then only she could see it. Tawny, thinking it over, was glad she had left the moon in the sky. She wanted everyone to see it.

"GET ON WITH THE STORY!"

Ok, ok. Sheesh. Gremlins. Impatient bullies, the lot of them.

Tawny swung down from her tree, skipping off in pursuit of the rather cute elf. Dodging the girls - who were, when she got close enough to see, foaming interestingly at the mouth - in a creepy sort of way - the fact that it was interesting, not the foam or the mouths - yeah - she crept up behind the rather cute elf, who had taken refuge beneath a bush.

"Hiiii!" she sang out cheerfully, making him jump and whirl about. "My name's Tawny Shamrock my isn't it a lovely day er night actually it's sort of dusky out with the moons and everything say who are those girls chasing you are those robes what are those are those real runes can I see ooh what's in your pouches by the way who are you?"

Dalamar stared at the kender, having absolutely no idea what she had said. In the space of five seconds, she had not only jabbered away, but had pointed at his robes, had one hand in his pouch, gestured around at the sky, and managed to keep smiling. That smile. It scared him.

"Grrr." a soft growl issued from somewhere behind the two. Tawny turned, but Dalamar, unwilling to take his eyes off the kender for one second, did not.

"Oooh, look, a bunny!" cried out Tawny, pointing. "Look at those cute fwuffy little ears and sweet twitchy nose and wuddle tail and those glowing red eyes-"

Dalamar was about to blast the kender three ways to the Abyss when it hit him.

"Glowing red eyes?" he asked, turning to see.

"Yup. Glowing red eyes." confirmed Tawny.

Dalamar stared.A bunny, a normal, sweet, cute wuddle bunny was standing there, twitching its nose,staring right backat the elf and the kender withglowing red eyes.

It growled again, a surprisingly feralsound issuing from such a sweet-looking creature.

"Uh,elfy?" Tawnybacked away,staring at the wabbit. "If we were going to run, now would be a good time to do it."

"I thought kender were immune to fear." muttered Dalamar.

"We are. It's just that I have this little fluttering feeling in my tummy and I think we should leave now."

"Good idea." Dalamar concluded. "Let's run away, swiftly and quietly."

"Ok."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" both Dalamar and Tawny screamed, turned, and ran away, making a huge comotion in the process.

* * *

"I heard something!" Rabid Fangirl Number One said, whirling around. 

"Me too!" RFN2 answered, pointing.

"It sounded like an incredibly cute elf running away!"

"Yeah it did!"

The fangirls tensed, eyes gleamingcrimson in the moonlight.

"One." they pivoted as one towards the crashes.

"Two." they sank down into crouches, ready to spring.

"Three!" they lept up, dashing into the woods.

* * *

"Whew!" Tawny gasped, sagging against the tree. "I think . . . we . . . lost 'em." 

Dalamar nodded, panting. They two shivered in thecool night air. The sun was but a bitty glow on the horizon, and even the moonlight was dimmed, hidden behind the clouds.

Suddenly, a twig broke.

On instant alert, Dalamar straightened and twisted his head in the twig's direction, tensed. Tawny quietly climbed into a tree, hiding in the leaves.

A howl split the silence, and then a dark shape left from the trees and tackled Dalamar.

* * *

"Damn you all." groaned Dalamar ten minutes later. 

The fangirls had taken him by complete surprise, wrestling him to the ground and tying him up hand a foot. They had proceeded to break out the torture devices . . .

Dalamar shuddered and tried not to look at his bright pink toenails.

The horror. The ultimate horror.

"Hey," a fangirl shashayed up to him, tapping his nose. "You wanna know something?"

Dalamar looked around. He was surrounded. There was no hope.

"Nope." he said, then fainted.

* * *

Up in the tree, Tawny watched the proceedings with sorrowful eyes. She had been planning something drastic, crazy, and weird, but in the following events she had completely forgotten what it was. Now her elfy friend was in trouble. 

She had to help.

Tawny had seen too many friends in trouble. Then she had been helpless, gulping back her tears. Now, however, she was not.

Grimly she took the scarves from her clothing and hair and hoopak and began tying them together to form a whip. She then readied her hoopak and scowled at the girls, preparing to jump.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Screaming for all she was worth, Tawny jumped out of the tree, twirling her whip.

The fangirls never knew what happened.

Tawny swung her hoopak at the girls standing guard over Dally, knocking them down. Another twirl of the whip kept them back. Whip, swing, whip, swing, whip, swing! She drove them off, screaming as loudly as she could.

They ran, howling, into the forest.

Tawny stood, breathing hard as she watched them run, then dropped her hoopak and scarf-whip and ran back to Dalamar. She tried vainly to pull the ropes of him but it was no use, she had no knife. Sighing, she brushed his hair from his face.

It was then that Raistlin found her.

She heard him, and turned, to see him come into the clearing. He took one look around and approached the elf.

"Where have you been?"

It was Tas's voice. Tawny turned to see Tas, and Merribell, and Caramon enter behind Raistlin. Tawny took a deep breath.

"Wow, Tawny." Merribell looked around at the small clearing. "You drove them off!"

"Does it seem odd to you that there are all these clearings in the forest around Solace?" Tas asked Merribell.

"Yeah, it does." she nodded.

Tawny took another deep breath, laughed, flung her arms around Tas, and began to cry.

"Hey, don't cry!" Tas said, patting her head. "You saved Dalamar!"

"I know!" Tawny cried harder. "I-it wasn't that! All those poor trees - they have to cut them down to make clearings, you know! No regard for nature . . . " her sobs faded to sniffles.

"I know." Merribell huffed.

"Look at that!" Tas reached out and caught one of Tawny's tears on his hand; it sparkled in the hidden light of Solinari, nearly blotted out by the clouds. "What a pretty teardrop! May I have it?" he asked Tawny.

"Sure!" Tawny smiled as Tas tucked her tear away into his pouch.

"He looks OK." Caramon remarked, leaning over Dalamar.

"Traumatized, but OK." Raistlin nodded, cutting Dalamar's bonds. "He'll sleep for a while."

"Yeah, he probably will - hey!" Caramon cried out, clapping a hand to his forehead.

"What?" Tas, Tawny, and Merribell asked, turning.

"A drop of water fell on me!" Caramon scowled at the dark night sky. "Now that wasn't very nice, was it?"

"Wait . . . " Raistlin stared at the sky. "Rain . . . ?"

"Looks like it." Tas nodded, reaching out a hand. Another drop fell in it.

"But," Raistlin's eyes gleamed with excitement as the sun disappeared from the view of mortals, "Rain is cold water!"

"So?"

"Cool or cold water counteracts the affects of the kender's powder!" Raistlin laughed with happiness. "I was right!"

"It does?" Tas looked around at Tawny, who shrugged.

"Guess it does." she agreed.

And then the rain came down, drenching the earth.

* * *

Its drops fell on Sturm and Flint, sleeping in the clearing, washing away the makeup. 

Its drops fell on Kitiara, glittering on her sword.

Its drops found Palmer and her Chicky Minions as they lay down to sleep, washing away the powder and cooling the blood.

Its drops fell on Tanis, lying unconcious in another clearing.

Its drops fell on Caramon, Raistlin, Dalamar, Tas, Tawny, and Merribell. Its drops shimmered as they fell on Dalamar, who faded from sight, magically transported, clean and dry, back to his bed in Tarsis. Its drops drenched Caramon, who was shielding Raistlin, who was coughing.

Its drops fell on the kindegarteners, sleeping in their camp, washing away the twisted desires for candy and the paint that streaked their faces.

Its drops glittered on the faces of the gremlins, shrinking a taking refuge beneath the leaves.

And its drops fell on Tas, and Tawny, and Merribell, as they whooped and sang and danced beneath the dark sky, reveling in the rain.

Tawny stopped her dancing in time to look up, blinking away the raindrops that fell on her eyes, and sang beneath her breath;

_"The clouds pour forth silver rain  
Falling through the darkness of night  
To this world of joy and pain  
To this world of dark and light.  
Clouds part to see lightning  
Flash from the heavens down to earth  
Cower the flowers, plants, and creatures  
Behind the curtain of rain that gave them birth.  
The wind cries through the rain  
About the torn and grieving sky  
Screaming out to know the answers  
Screaming out to know why.  
And the trees answer the wind  
Swaying their boughs against the rain  
Groaning with the weight of the clinging drops  
Of heaven's tears, anger's bane.  
Fire bursts from the lightning's strike  
Flaming up, burning the world to ash  
In one moment death has stirred  
In the bright lightning's flash.  
Seeing this plight, the gentle rain  
Falls onto the hot and scarred ground  
The flames quell and disappear  
The water now to earth is bound.  
Then the skies cease crying  
And the lighting calms, a sign  
To allow the clouds to part and let the moon  
Make the fallen silver rain shine._"

And the rain ceased falling, and the clouds did part, and the light of the moons did shine upon the fallen raindrops.

Tas turned to Tawny. "So, it's over, then?"

She shrugged. "I guess so. Maybe she'll write a sequel."

"Maybe." Merribell agreed, putting her arms around Tas and Tawny as they left the clearing and walked into Solace. "Maybe not."

They paused, looking at the sleeping Solace, glittering with silver and ruby raindrops.

"Tag!" Merribell cried suddenly, giving Tas a shove. "You're it!"

"No fair!" Tas laughed, but chased after Merribell, who shrieked. Tawny watched them play and laughed.

The world was perfect.

* * *

_The poem is called Silver Rain and I wrote it, it's mine._

_So I'm done._ _Whoa. this chapter is 11 pages long on my desktop._

_I want to thank Kyra Skye for the use of the zombie bunny. I want to thank Delger Erdenesanaa for being a great influence on this story. And I want to thank my computer, which is my sword and shield against the horros of boredom on a rainy day._

_Or a sunny one, for that matter._

_Lastly, I want to thank all the wonderful people who reviewed and will review this story. You guys mean a lot to me. Thanks for taking the time to review, and thanks for making me laugh._

_So, that's it, then._

_Should I do a sequel? A Crazy Kender, maybe? Or The Adventures of Tas, Tawny, and Merribell? Or The Adventures of Palmer? What do you think?_

_Thank you thank you thank you all._

_Peace out. - Raab._


End file.
